I was scrolling through Instagram when I should’ve been doing something else today when I stumbled upon this post with pictures of this blog’s favorite human, Derrick Henry. He was clearly in the middle of a commercial shoot and, well… I just have one question:
What. The. Hell?!
Who in their right mind decided it was a good idea to put Derrick Lamar Henry Jr., aka the greatest NFL player of all time, into a Dollar General store brand Colts uniform?
My eyes are literally burning right now. I just threw up all over my shirt. And I’m about to throw my laptop out the window. This is disgusting. This feels like some sort of sick and twisted joke. With NO punchline! The Titans have seemed to finally emerge from the swampy waters of losing 19 of their last 23 meetings to the Colts, and for the first time in nearly a decade, it feels as though the tide may be swinging in this division rivalry. But then we get hit with the worst possible image a Titans fan could think of. I mean, King Henry as a Colt? Could you imagine? Not unless Bill O’Brien was their GM
On the power ranking of things you don’t want to see, this is near the top:
- your parents having sex
- Ben Affleck’s back tattoo
- Derrick Henry in a Colts jersey
- your nana taking a crap
Look, I get it. The NFL is more protective of their team’s brands than they are their players’ heads, but you could’ve made the fake uniform look like anything. There’s literally 6 different colors in the rainbow you could’ve chosen to make that jersey. Put him in a navy jersey, put him in a crimson jersey, or maybe, I dunno, DON’T ADD THE STRIPES ON THE SHOULDERS OF A ROYAL BLUE JERSEY WHICH IS LITERALLY THE TWO MOST DISTINCTIVE PARTS OF THE COLTS UNIFORM!
I’m not going to blame Derrick here. I actually respect the hustle, respect the grind. You gotta make money where you can get. He just shows up, puts on some pads, and goes to work. He’s a pro’s pro.
No, I actually blame this guy:
The director of the commercial.
How do I know he’s the director? Because he’s wearing the quintessential outfit of a director in Nashville. (We get it, dude. You’re a director. Rocking the wide-brim hat on set feels a bit redundant. Lemme guess, you like coffee and you always wear boots and that dingey t-shirt you’re wearing cost $95. Typical.) But also because he’s clearly directing Derrick Henry in this picture.
You’re probably wondering why I’m not blaming the costume designer, who is so blatantly obvious an Indianapolis transplant. Because the director could have the uniform changes with the snap of his fingers and/or the tip of his wide-brim hat.
As a massive Derrick Henry stan, and the purveyor of The #1 Derrick Henry Fan Site On The Internet™, this is repulsive. These people should lose their directing sports commercial licenses and/or their wide-brim hat permits.
It was bad enough seeing one Tennessee Titan in a Colts jersey. I don’t need this to happen again.
For anyone who cares, if you wanna watch the really dumb commercial featuring Indianapolis Colts running back Derrick Henry, click here. But I suggest you don’t because it sucks, and it will give you nightmares.
Here’s some actual Derrick Henry content with him in an actual Titans uniform, if that’s more your thing: