Which Quarantine House Are You Choosing? (Plus, Some Of The Best Answers We Got)

April 6, 2020April 6, 2020 Austin

You’ve seen them all over the internet, but what house would you choose to be quarantined in? Obviously each house has a few gems like Scott Van Pelt, Mina Kimes, and a giant sectional couch. But each house has a few impossibles like Khloe Kardashian, Stephen A. Smith, and that [expletive] Carole [expletive] Baskin.

We put the question to Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook and had some pretty good answers. Answers that we’d like to share with you here.

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House 1
— Jeff (@j_w24dubb) April 6, 2020

While we appreciate the response, this has to be one of the worst answers. Not because House 1 is the worst, but because we have no idea why Jeff here chose House 1. Is he a Patriots fan? A DP Show fan? Is he craving that X-Box and oddly into sharing? Maybe he’s been a die hard Dane Cook fan (what are Dane Cook fans called? Cookies? Dane-mals? Cookers? Chefs?) since watching Vicious Circle with his bros in his college dorm? Or maybe he just has an eyebrow ring fetish? The world may never know, so let’s just go ahead and assume all of these to be true.

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This is too easy. House 2 you get to watch The Kid recreate his swing on the ping pong table, and you get to sit in a corner becoming BFFs with Mina Kimes while you make fun of Skip Bayless and watch Carole Baskin endlessly hit on Brendan Fraser. A DREAM HOUSE!
— Cara Cooper (@caramariecooper) April 7, 2020

Now THIS is an answer! Cara put some thought into this one, and I respect the hell out of it. Just the idea of Griff’s left handed swing in a game of ping pong, paired with Mina Kimes (and her awesome laugh) cracking jokes at Skip Bayless’s expense is reason enough to pick this house. But then that b***h Carole Baskin hitting on Mr. Bedazzled himself Brendan Fraser?! And you know she would, too, since Howard is stuck in a totally different quarantine house. I just hope she wouldn’t feed George of the Jungle to tigers. Mad props for this one, Cara.

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3 , just think how much material Ball would give Seinfeld
— Joe Karasek (@Coop_Frogg) April 6, 2020

Please read this in Jerry Seinfeld’s voice…

“I mean, what is the deal with this Big Baller Brand? Is Baller another name for your mouth? Because that seems to be the only thing big about you. Also, any company that needs to put the word BRAND in their name should tell you up front that it’s not a legit brand. It’s not like Nike is Nike Brand. There is no Adidas Brand. I don’t even know if Reebok is still a brand anymore, but even they didn’t add BRAND to their name.

And what’s the deal with this guy’s kids? you’ve got Lonzo, LaMelo, LiAngelo… Who’s next LaMello Yellow? I heard they call LiAngelo Gelo. You know they say… there’s always room for Jell-O. Just not in the NBA, apparently.”

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Jared here decided to give his six point presentation as to which house he would choose, and I respect it. Look, this is nothing to just gloss over. You have spend weeks, if not months, with these people. You need to think it out. In return, here is my six point presentation as to what I learned from Jared’s answer.

he really doesn’t like Dane Cook
he’s not wrong here… hashtag sardine oil
why does the spoon have to be rusty?
RIP VCR’s.
logical answer here
HA! And the payoff! Tell Howie he’s your your big cat and he’ll submit to anything you ask.

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House 6 so I can watch Stephen A. Smith yell at Howard Baskin while Gronk and Dale Jr. are funneling beers as Brad Pitt watches from the Peloton. pic.twitter.com/1oYQ3KymGf
— Jack Gentry (@jackagentry) April 6, 2020

This might be one of the more visually accurate answers we got. If Stephen A. can’t put up with Max Kellerman for more than a couple hours than he sure as hell isn’t going to be able to put up with Mr. Carole Baskin. I like the idea of Gronk and DJ funneling beers, but you know Dale will only be to DO BEERS if they’re Bud products. Has to be InBev or he’s OutBev. And without question, the only person who will make use out of that peloton is Pitt. I mean, I saw Once Upon A Time In Hollywood… dude still slays.

And bonus points for adding the Stephen A. video – it’s like we’re in the house watching him yell at Howie Basks.

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It’s important that Mike prefaced his answer with the fact that sharing a Peloton with 5 other dudes sounds super lame, because it would be super lame. And he’s also right that giving Carole Baskin’s current husband to Stephen A. and Gronk would be like feeding him to the ~~wolves~~ tigers.

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Knew that would seal the deal for someone. I mean, give me unlimited Crunchwrap Supremes and double-decker tacos, and I honestly don’t care who I’m with.

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