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Thursday, March 28, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Well, Von Miller’s New Tattoo Is Absolutely Terrifying… Good Luck Trying To Sleep At Night

Von B’Vsean Miller Jr. (was today year’s old when I found out Von’s middle name was B’Vsean) has been an absolute force since he entered the league in 2011. Straight terrorizing quarterbacks to the tune of 100+ sacks, with his greatest accomplishment being his performance in Super Bowl 50 where he took home the MVP. The guy joined a pretty dope list of big-name defensive players to win SB MVP.

Von Miller Strip Sack GIF by NFL - Find & Share on GIPHY

And I’m sure some of you may be upset I haven’t even mentioned his Dancing With The Stars title. Not to brag.

But now, Von can add another award to his already impressive hardware: World’s Most Terrifying Tattoo.

Have you ever heard of the old saying: “[insert name] can turn chicken poop into chicken salad.” That’s not how it goes? I think you understand what I’m trying to say here. Von Miller made chicken salad out of chicken poop. You may be wondering just where I’m going with this so let me provide a brief background:

A week before the 2020 NFL season was set to kick off, Von Miller went down with what could best be described as a freak ankle injury on a non-contact drill at practice. Brutal. Von needed season-ending surgery. Luckily for Von, his ankle picked a good year to get injured. His team is currently one game away from last place in the AFC West and suffered one of the most embarrassing losses in the NFL season. The Broncos had to start Starbucks barista Kendall Hinton after their entire quarterback room was in COVID protocol. Well, except this guy of course…

Fast-forward to NFL Week 14, Von provided his fans (and opposing quarterbacks) with an update:

“You wanna know how I got these scars?!”

Let this blog post be a PSA for my fiancée. I will be sleeping with the lights on for the foreseeable future. I am absolutely terrified, and I couldn’t imagine being a quarterback in the NFL seeing this. I never thought I’d type this forthcoming sentence, but… my dreams have officially been haunted by Von Miller’s ankle. Thank goodness for socks, I guess? Clearly you can see this isn’t Von’s first tat, but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say it’s his scariest. It’s like how they say: you either injure your ankle or have surgery long enough to see it become the villain. Or something like that.

Basically, Von went from a chicken poop ankle injury to one of the most badass looking chicken salad tattoos.

A.D.

A.D. is a Steelers season ticket holder and remembers when Wiz Khalifa was good. He hails from Pitt(sburgh), and has swam in the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans.

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