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Thursday, April 18, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

We Took A Deeper Look Into The Stephon Gilmore Trade Rumors And YOU WILL NOT BELIEVE WHAT WE FOUND!

For those of you who haven’t heard by now, Patriots star cornerback Stephon Gilmore was apparently floated in offers to other teams this past offseason, and very well could be once again with the trade deadline looming.

Real image of Gilmore running to another team.

If that isn’t enough to make you think he’s already packing his bags, this news broke this morning…

To be fair, it is a seller’s market.

Maybe it’s just because this is the first time in my life as a football fan that the Pats are sellers at the deadline, but I found myself asking why. Why now? Bill has never been one to just give up like that. His defense is his baby, and he’s just willing to throw away his best player because they’re 2-4? Hey Bill, the Eagles are in first place and have just as many wins as you guys…

No, I don’t think so.

The greatest coach in the history of sports is not a quitter, and certainly not a tanker. Bill has too much pride and knows that no matter how hard he tries to lose, the Jets will lose more. Not to mention, the recent news that Trevor Lawrence (the highly coveted #1 pick) might stay at Clemson another year (to avoid playing for the Jets, hahahahahaha!). With all that said, there are too many unknowns for Bill to just give away Stephon like that — there has to be another reason.

I locked myself in my room and dug deep into my resources. I searched every article on the internet to see which teams have interest in the reigning Defensive Player of the Year, hoping to connect some dots. Still nothing. I even cut the sleeves off of my hoodie and ordered a $5 Foot-Long to channel my inner Belichick in the hopes of having a revelation.

I was moments away from calling it quits and just crying myself to sleep instead, but then my phone went off. I wiped the tears from the screen to see that it was a text from my inside source and HOLY S**T I think I just exploded…

Source: REDACTED.

After the initial shock wore off, I thought about it a bit more and things started to make sense. This is the perfect time for AB to join the Bucs (the perfect sacrifice). Arians (aka Bill and Tom controlling the media) has recently been making hard-ass comments in regards to Brown, speaking of having a zero tolerance policy when it comes to special treatment. He even made similar comments earlier in the season about The GOAT, calling Tom out in front of the media (how convenient). Both instances have not painted the rosiest picture of Bruce and has put the fans’ perception of him into question — another seed planted by the master puppeteers.

Sharing a laugh about paying Illuminati membership fees.

Now that I think about it, I’m beginning to wonder if Arians is even a real person. Has this been a robot controlled by Belichick and Tom the entire time? Is Gronk even real???

Sorry. I’m getting ahead of myself.

I can keep asking myself a million different questions, but at this point this is just rumor and speculation — none of this has occurred yet. I suppose now we just have to wait and see if Gilmore is traded, and then maybe the dominoes will begin to fall.

To be continued…

Hubb

Erik, AKA Hubb, is Philly born and bred, loves memes and his dog, is always Hailing to Pitt, and he doesn’t have an appendix.

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