Thursday, April 25, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

We Recasted ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ for the 1980’s (via The CineBoiz)

The 1980’s was the best decade for action-movies. FULL STOP. Don’t even try to argue with or convince us otherwise. The only unfortunate part of the 80s you may ask? The lack of CGI effects and technical innovation. So many properties and IPs were simply avoided because there didn’t seem to be a way to produce them in an analog world. That’s why we have such an influx of superhero movies and TV shows today–cuz we can actually make them.

That’s a damn shame if you ask us.

Sure we have all the technical know-how now and fancy computer do-dads…but you know what we don’t have? That f**kin COLD-WAR ATTITUDE BAYBAY!!! That’s why us here at Korked Bats/The CineBoiz decided to do a fantasy recasting of ‘Guardians of the Galaxy’ for our favorite decade. Be sure to let us know what you think!

Gamora/Michelle Pfeiffer

What a solid start. Yah we know. Michelle Pfeiffer is THE choice to take on the this role. From the personality all the way down to her physical appearance and facial structure…it’s a near perfect fit. Just slap on a coat of green paint and you have your 1980’s Gamora.

Jesse ‘The Body’ Ventura/Drax the Destroyer

If you google “80’s beefcake” chances are you’re gonna find some stuff you didn’t mean to find–and amongst all of that you will likely see some photos of Governor Ventura himself. Jesse has the “wrestler turned actor” resume that has worked so well for Drax in this decade. Once again, get out the body paint, and rub the man down…we’ve found our Drax.

Sigourney Weaver/Nebula

We can hear you all now: “Man, you guys are nailing it.”

Three things we know for sure about Sigourney Weaver: She looks good bald, she looks good in blue, and she’s a certified badass. Easy casting decision for Nebula. NEXT.

Kurt Russell/Peter Quill (Star-Lord)

Yah, we know. We outdid ourselves with this casting. I mean, you have the tie-in with Kurt playing Peter’s dad in 2017’s ‘Guardians Vol. 2’. Plus he can do action-star/goofball better than almost anyone. ‘Big Trouble in Little China’ much? Kurt Russell ran so Chris Pratt could walk.

So these are only a few of our casting choices. To see who we picked for Groot, Rocket and others be sure to check out the latest episode of The CineBoiz Podcast anywhere you listen or watch below on the Korked Bats YouTube Page!


Kenny lives in Austin, TX and is one of the co-hosts of the CineBoiz Podcast. When he isn’t talking about or watching movies he can be found kicking it with Mickie the Dog and re-watching the Kansas City Chiefs win Super Bowl 54 for the 25th time.