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Thursday, October 10, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

We Ranked The Top 10 Best Movies Of Brendan Fraser’s Career, Because Why Wouldn’t We?

There is a man on this earth who is more than most men. A guy who exudes charm, grace, and ability to melt your face with his acting. He is tall. He is handsome. He fluctuates his weight – like many of us – but when he does it, he does it better than us. In fact, I’d argue that merely flexes his versatility. He’s a great daddy and even better in The Mummy. You want a romcom lead? You got it. What about an action star? Sure. You want a man who can hold his own while sharing a silver screen with Bugs Bunny? No problemo, doc. He’s Hollywood’s greatest gift to the arts. And today is his birthday.

He is Brendan James Fraser.

People always ask, “Why is Korked Bats so obsessed with Brendan Fraser?” And I’ll admit, it’s a fair question. But here’s a better question, “Why aren’t you?” Brendan Fraser is arguably the greatest actor in the history of theatrical arts. And since I said arguably in that last sentence, you can’t denounce it as false. You may not agree, but I said arguably. Meaning I – or someone who’s much better at debate – could argue he’s the greatest.

Brendan Fraser is not only America’s finest, he’s Indianapolis’s finest. Now you may be thinking, “But what about Danny Granger or Hélio Castroneves?!” Just because Danny Granger played for the Pacers for a long time does not make him an Indianapolis native. Same with Hélio Castroneves. Just because he won the Indy 500 three times doesn’t make him a native of Indiana’s capital. He’s from Brazil. Brendan Fraser, however, is from Indianapolis. And he’s their greatest export.

Today, Mr. Fraser turns another year older.

And in honor, of this blog’s favorite (and the world’s greatest) actor, we decided to take the laziest and most cliché route possible and just rank his best movies. Before we start, I should note we don’t do honorable mentions here at Korked Bats. There is no honor in a mention.

…buuuuut, if we did, our honorable mentions would be School Ties (I’ve never seen it, so I didn’t feel like I could truthfully rank it), Monkeybone (yes, I know movie critics literally poop in their hand and throw it at this movie – but just the idea of a movie called Monkeybone with an animated monkey in it, is enough to get a mention), Dudley Do-Right (there was a point in Hollywood where every cartoon from our parents’ era was being turned into a live-action movie: Flintstones, Bullwinkle, and the Dudsters was obviously one of those movies, and let’s just say Brendan was Dudley Done-Wrong by his agent. He still killed it, though).

10. Now And Then (1995)

If my 8-year-old self learned I would put this movie into any top 10 ranking outside of “Top 10 Dumbest Movie Your Stupid Sister Always Watches And When She’s Not, She Plays The Soundtrack Really Loud On The Boombox In Her Room” (that ranking is coming, don’t worry), I would travel ahead in time just to kick my own ass. I hated this movie growing up. It was a girl movie. I mean Devon Sawa? Gross.

But that’s the power of the Fraze. The man steps into this movie – with an insane star-studded cast – and still steals the film. I mean if anyone can sell the role of the hippie Army vet who just got back from ‘Nam who’s just looking to rip some heaters with some prepubescent girls, it’s Brendan Fraser. And let me tell you, he NAILS it.

9. George of the Jungle (1997)

In this movie, Brendan Fraser plays George. As in the one of the jungle. I get it. This movie could be deemed immature, silly, goofy, or even silly. But I think it’s deeper than that. I think it shows serious range by the part of Brendan Fraser, who plays George, as in the one of the jungle. Is this movie Citizen Kane? Of course not. But it is the Citizen Kane of children’s comedies about a guy who can’t stop swinging into trees. You bet your rosebud it is.

Not to mention, this film features the deadliest piece of wood since Hereditary.

“Watch out for that… telephone pole.”

For one, this film features the Fraze in his most chiseled (and greased up) form. He doesn’t have the body of Adonis, Adonis has the body of Brendan Fraser in George of the Jungle. And for another, Leslie Mann is always easy on the eyes. There’s just nothing quite like watching Brendan Fraser slowly win over the heart of Judd Apatow’s wife. Also, the guy from the hit ’90s USA show Wings is in it.

You want Brendan to act silly without a shirt on for 90+ minutes? Check. What’s next?

8. Looney Tunes: Back In Action (2003)

Brendan Fraser, Steve Martin and Jenna Elfman star in Looney Tunes: Back in Action, or as I like to call it, Two Guys A Girl And A Green Screen. Did I put this one a little too high on my list? Yes. But it stars Brendan Fraser, which gives it bonus points, and without this movie, we never would’ve gotten this clip Brendan Fraser singing into Conan O’Brien’s mouth in an all-time great Late Night with Conan O’Brien moment.

7. The Mummy (1999)

Oh, you want Brendan Fraser to be the lead in a summer blockbuster action film? Bang, here you go. Brendan Fraser plays Rick O’Connell who goes looking for mummies or something – I’ll be honest, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen this one. But I remember it being great. And the bad guy kinda looked like Billy Zane (who is another dope-ass actor), but unfortunately, it’s not Billy Zane.

I also remember walking through The Mummy haunted house as a kid at Universal Studios: Hollywood, and my sister got so scared she wet her pants. HA! Take that, sis! That’s for always watching Now And Then and playing the soundtrack really loud in your room!

6. Airheads (1994)

If there was an Oscar for Film That You Could’ve Sworn Was An SNL Skit Turned Into A Movie But Actually Isn’t, it would be awarded to this movie. This thing stars Adam Sandler, Steve Buscemi, Chris Farley, and of course, the Fraze Dog. Norm Macdonald isn’t in this movie, but it feels like a movie Norm Macdonald should’ve had a small role in too. Brendan Fraser plays Chaz, arguably the brains of the band who takes over a radio station. As a radio employee, this movie holds a spot in my heart. Mainly because there were times I wanted to do this same thing. But I didn’t, because I don’t have gonads quite as big as Brendo.

Also, this movie gets bonus points for having the same name as a candy. Mystery flavor is the best.

5. Blast From The Past (1999)

Probably one of the most creative and under-appreciated rom-coms of all time. If you haven’t seen it, shame on you… but it is on HBO Max right now. If you have seen it, go rewatch it. It’s brilliant and entertaining. And also: Alicia Silverstone.

A lot of people think Alicia Silverstone was at peak Alicia Silverstone in Clueless. Those people are merely misinformed, uneducated and/or red dots on Google maps, because Alicia Silverstone plays a 15-year-old in that movie you sicko! Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer my women of legal age. And in Blast From The Past, Ms. Silverstone is an adult, and to me, Alicia is at peak Leesch in this movie.

Hubbida, hubbida.

Plus, they have mad chemistry in this movie. But then again, you could put Brendan Fraser on a movie screen with a talking gorilla and he’d have chemistry with it. How do I know? Because it’s been done.

4. Crash (2004)

This movie won best picture, and I can attest it was for no reason other than Brendan Fraser and his ability to play a slightly-racist District Attorney who was married to an even more racist Sandra Bullock.

This movie is probably what led to Sandra Bullock ultimately adopting Michael Orr in The Blind Side a few years later. White guilt. In fact, thinking of Crash as a prequel to The Blind Side makes it that much better.

This movie is legit awesome, and one many of us probably need to rewatch today. Yeesh.

3. The Scout (1994)

The Scout often gets forgotten in the pantheon of greatest sports movies, but real talk: Steve Nebraska deserves a spot up there with Benny “The Jet” Rodriguez, Boobie Miles, Dottie Hinson, Willie Beamen, and Air Bud. Steve Nebraska was Shohei Ohtani decades before Shoehei Ohtani became Shohei Ohtani. I’m gonna say Shohei Ohtani one more time: Shohei Ohtani.

If you haven’t seen The Scout, then what the hell have you been doing with your life? Seeing The Scout should be a prerequisite for visiting this website. You know how beer websites make you punch in your date of birth before entering the site. We need a similar thing but just asking: Have you seen The Scout? Brendan Fraser shows range in this movie. Not just the stud athlete who helicopters in to the World Series, but also just a dude who struggles with mental health. It’s awesome. Plus, Albert Brooks is always great.

Shohei Ohtani.

2. Bedazzled (2000)

I am fully prepared to take flack for ranking Bedazzled this high on any list – let alone a list of Brendan Fraser’s greatest movies. But in my defense, Elizabeth Hurley.

Elizabeth Hurley in Bedazzled might be the hottest woman in any movie ever.

Those were all images from the same movie. And in case you were wondering, yes, Ms. Hurley’s still got it.

But also, this movie is low-key funny and Brendan is great in it too.

1. Encino Man (1992)

This might be one of those “before your time” movies. But if you know it and you’ve seen it, then you get it. Brendan Fraser plays Link, the caveman who was frozen in the ice age and unearthed as Sean Astin and Paulie Shore are digging a pool in Encino. They domesticate him and take him to high school with him. It was the perfect comedy for the 90s teens and I’m sure it hasn’t aged well at all – like both Sean Astin and Paulie Shore’s comedy. Let’s try it out.

“Wheezin’ the ju-uice.”

Did you laugh at that? If so, you’re probably over the age of 30. If you didn’t laugh, then yeah, I’m afraid to say Paulie Shore’s comedy has the shelf live of milk.

Regardless, this movie is great and Brendan Fraser felt like Daniel Day-Lewis the way he played a caveman trying to learn a futuristic culture in early 90s Southern California. *chef’s kiss* Fantastico!

Hell, the role was so good, it was revived for a cameo in Son In Law.

End of list.

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Well, there it is. Brendan Fraser’s best. Happy birthday to the legend. And if you want to wish us a Happy Brendan Fraser’s birthday, we won’t stop you. Today should be a national holiday for pete’s sake. If we celebrate Lincoln and Washington’s birthdays, we should damn sure celebrate Brendan Fraser’s. At very least give the man an annual parade in Indianapolis or something.

Austin

Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.

Austin

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