Vin Diesel Dropped A New Song & It’s So Bad, I Can’t Stop Listening To It & I Think I Like It?
So I stumbled upon this clip of mostly the whitest humans on earth finger dancing and bopping to a new Vin Diesel song (which is a thing?) on The Kelly Clarkson Show (which is also a thing?). In my opinion, this is the most hilariously awkward video of 2020. We all tried attempted to learn new skills during quarantine, and apparently Vin Diesel’s new skill is writing EDM songs. Honestly, I couldn’t have even thought up that sentence if I was doing a Mad Lib, but here we are.
Seriously, though. What have we become? A nation who just gives daytime talk shows to former reality TV singing competition winners for them to showcase music by average-acting action stars in front of a group of flat screens with people on Zoom calls awkwardly dancing in place? I legitimately hate us.
I will admit, however, I have gone back to the well to watch this video anywhere from four to seventeen times already. Why? Well, for one, the cringey-ness of it is more addicting than any drug on the planet. But two, that song. If you thought The Pacifier was bad. This is like that script turned into a song. It’s so bad. Like soooo bad. Mainly because Vin Diesel’s singing voice sounds exactly like Vin Diesel’s speaking voice, which is to say it sounds like he uses gravel for mouth wash. My guy’s voice is more coarse than a combination of sand paper, an old asphalt road, and Mickey Rourke’s face.
But the more I listen to it, the more I find myself bobbing my head and/or dancing like the doofuses on one of those Zoom screens in the “audience.”
Dammit. Why?! Why do I kind of like this? It has to be the Kygo touch, right? Kygo’s music slaps. The guy only produces jams. He doesn’t know how to do anything else. And being handed some Vin vocals on a platter was probably the biggest challenge of his life, and yet… he nailed it?? It’s unbelievable. Sure, what Michaelangelo did with the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel is breathtaking. Leonardo Da Vinci’s painting of The Last Supper is phenomenal. Vincent Van Gogh’s Starry Night is unreal. But taking vocals from Dom Toretta and making turning it into anything but unbearable is arguably the greatest artistic accomplishment in the history of human civilization. Without Kygo, people would’ve pulled a Van Gogh and cut off their own ears at the very thought of Vin Diesel singing.
If ‘Big Boy Grillin’ On The Roof’ was the official song of the summer, then I might just make this Vin Diesel EDM joint the song of the fall. So while you sip your PSL’s and ride your hayrides, bump some of this Vin-Kygo collab.
Here’s the full clip from the show if you want to hear Vin’s explanation about pouring his heart out into a new creative outlet and/or white people dancing on Zoom screens.
Also, shout out this guy. No one in that fake audience was loving this song more that him.
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