Hello, Korked Bats Nation.
I am writing from an undisclosed location. The man next to me just scratched himself and he is reading a pink hard back book of which the title is hidden from me. Holy Cow. He just scratched himself again. I can see you sir. He is wearing a green superman shirt and a white Washington State University shirt. So many things are going on in this Starbucks but nothing sports related. Unless you consider this man scratching himself a sport (time number three). If so, he’s the Karl Malone of the sport. He’s also wearing white shorts to match his white hat.
Okay, scratching himself guy finally left.
I haven’t been around a television or an iPhone in the last five days, so I have no idea what is going on in the world. I heard that the NBA is having a lockout now too. Copycats. I also heard that Footloose is coming out for a new generation. What next? Robots?
No, I want only Kevin Bacon to run around an abandoned warehouse dancing his anger out and not some new kid with boyish charm and devilish good looks. NOT. OKAY.
I also heard that it was shark week, but I was too busy climbing the infamous Goonies Rock to worry if I was going to have to use my survival skills to survive a shark attack. While I was climbing to the top, I passed a potentially drunk man who just said, “Never say die,” over and over. He kind of looked like this.
My dad did tell me that the NFL preseason will start on August 11th. That is crazy right? I barely have time to get Matt Hasselbeck’s name tatooed right above my heart and then have it heal before the first NFL preseason games. Shoot. Good thing I was thinking ahead when I got Mrs. Jake Locker on my new drivers license. He’s a hometown favorite who followed me from the northwest to Tennessee. Coincidence? No.
I am enjoying this time off, but I can’t wait for football season to start again. I love everyone getting up early on Saturdays and painting their faces and making up cheers and hanging out with their friends behind truck beds and calling it “tailgating.” Since I live in Nashville, I can’t wait to go see Vanderbilt football games. Oh wait. I can’t wait to learn about penalties and flags and yardage and defensive linemen, what their job is and how Vandy could’ve won had they just scored 3 more touchdowns and 2 more field goals. I can’t wait to ask people to explain how the bowl games work and why some of them sound like joke bowls. I can’t wait to hear the SEC teams bad mouth each other until they are up against a team from another conference in a big game. I can’t wait for quarterbacks to cry and for ESPN specials on what really goes on in the pile ups. If you want to ask if I am ready for some football, Charlie Daniels… then I would be ready with a resounding, “YES!”