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Friday, March 29, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Tyrann Mathieu Celebrates 4/20 As Only Day of Year He Doesn’t Smoke

NEW ORLEANS – NFL prospect Tyrann Mathieu celebrates April 20th unlike most people. For Mathieu, he uses it as the one day of the year in which he doesn’t smoke marijuana.

Mathieu was kicked off the Louisiana State University football team after a 31st failed drug test, because LSU, unlike other SEC schools, has strict discipline policies. The 20-year-old cornerback is now working out to make it into the NFL.

Some NFL teams are impressed with his very-mature drug habits. Scouts claim he already has the addiction to drugs like a 4-year NFL veteran. One scout even went as far as to say, “The only thing he needs now is to boost his DUI numbers and he could go mid-first round.”

When asked about his odd 4/20 tradition, Mathieu said, “What did you say, dude?”

When asked again about his odd 4/20 tradition, Mathieu said, “Most people start their day with a bowl of cereal everyday. I start my day by smoking a bowl of cereal everyday.” He continued, “Today I only had a banana.”

Mathieu, nicknamed “Honey Badger,” said explained how weird it is to have so much energy on April 20th every year.

“It’s like I really get to experience the world for one day out of the year,” Mathieu said. “Take today for example. I straitened up my living room and found my remote. I flipped through so many channels. I watched a Planet Earth marathon for a few hours, then watched two episodes of Seinfeld, and wrapped it up by falling asleep to Batman Returns. Most days I’m too lazy to find the remote and just watch PBS all day.”

The young corner will await the results of this year’s NFL Draft, where he claims he hopes to get picked high. We weren’t sure if he meant that literally or not.

Tyrann Mathieu failed 3 drug tests in the time it took you to read this.

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

Austin

Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.

Austin

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