Thursday, April 25, 2024

Tour de France Not Sure Last Time Someone Legally Won Tour de France

August 24, 2012August 29, 2012 Kyle

As of late Thursday night, it appears as though Lance Armstrong will be stripped of all seven of his Tour de France titles. The combination of Armstrong’s loss of his titles and the influx of other doping allegations and confirmations in recent years has prompted a statement from race organizer Christian Prudhomme:

“As of today, the Tour de France and the [French Media Group] Amaury Sports Organization are spending all waking hours trying to figure out who won the Tour de France any of the past fifteen or so years. Sifting through such an obviously-tainted field of competitors is difficult.

Prudhomme wiped sweat from his forehead and continued,

“we do, however, have a lead. Having disqualified the top forty to fifty competitors in 2003, we had to search deep for a winner.”

Jacque Nordstrom, a thirty-seven year old Frenchman, was declared the winner of the 2003 Tour de France. Nordstrom is not a cyclist, but he was riding a bicycle to work sometime in July 2003, and, after passing a doping test, may just be the only man in France to ride a bicycle that year without the assistance of performance enhancing drugs.

Nordstrom could not be reached for comment.

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This post was written by Kyle. You can follow his jokes on Twitter: @kyleayers

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Kyle

Kyle is a comedian writer, actor, and producer. You may have seen his standup on CONAN, or somewhere else if you’re really into standup. He has appeared on Fuse, Comedy Central, VH1, and more, and he has written for CBS, Comedy Central, TBS, contributed to Roasts, as well as Huffington Post, CNN, The New York Times, Wired, and a really cool site called Korked Bats.