TMZ Leaked Fake Penn State Pics, Here Are The Real Ones
Yesterday, the annoying paparazzi blog pop-culture breaking news website thing, TMZ.com, announced it had an exclusive photo of former Penn State defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky waiting to board a flight at LaGuardia Airport heading to Detroit.
Well, as you may have guessed (from taking one look at the photo), this man is not the Jerry Sandusky. I say the because he was a Gerald Sandusky, just not evil Jerry Sandusky. Here is TMZ’s explanation for the misprinted photo:
A Gerald Sandusky got a boarding pass on a Spirit Airlines flight this afternoon from LaGuardia to Detroit. This we know.
Here’s the problem. This guy is NOT Jerry Sandusky.
Passengers on the flight tell TMZ … they walked up to the man at LaGuardia and he said he couldn’t talk about the Penn State scandal. We then confirmed a Gerald Sandusky indeed had a boarding pass for the flight.
But when the plane landed in Detroit, we spoke with the man and he said in no uncertain terms … he was not the guy.
As for the Gerald Sandusky who got the boarding pass … we just don’t know.
However, we here at Korked Bats are a lot like TMZ. They think they’re funny, and so do we. They take pride in being the first to report breaking news (or in this case, broken news) and so do we. They have a really crappy late night television shows, and we sometimes watch it when the Slap Chop gets old.
Recently, Korked Bats decided to launch our very own KBTMZ division dealing exclusively with digging up stories and paying money baked goods for stories. We did our best to mirror TMZ’s utmost respect for journalistic integrity, find-it-first mentality and went digging for exclusive leaked photos of the major characters from the Penn State scandal. You might be surprised at the details we’ve found:
Exclusive First Photo: Jerry Sandusky
Jerry Sandusky may not be taking flight, but this exclusive KBTMZ photo shows you that Mr. Sandusky has found himself a different method of transportation. Bumper cars. Only a couple of weeks after being indicted, Jerry Sandusky has the nerve to make his way to the state fair to take some aggression out in an electric pseudo demolition derby. Enjoy your ride, Jer Bear, because you’re about to take a crash course straight to jail!
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Exclusive First Photo: Joe Paterno
Here’s a picture of Joe Paterno doing… well… umm… We’re not sure what Joe Paterno is doing in this photo. But honestly, Joe Paterno probably doesn’t know what Joe Paterno is doing in this photo. But it’s obviously him and not just some other Italian actor. You can tell, because he’s wearing the non-photoshopped glasses. The same glasses he wears to games. Note: The extreme and truly real emotion he is expressing. The only kind of emotion you’d see from a man who coached college football for over sixty years and only won two national championships.
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Exclusive First Photo: The Nittany Lion
The Nittany Lion may not have that big of a role in this situation. We just found it interesting that in his school’s darkest hour, he’s making sure his nine iron still works. As you can see in this photo, the Nittany Lion was trying to ignore us while he was on the golf course. Why was he ignoring us? What did he have to hide? We have a feeling the Nittany Lion is masking his emotions and deepest secret. That secret being, “who really is the Nittany Lion?” Is he even an actual lion? Don’t be surprised if you soon find more out about his involvement in this whole scandal, making him a true Nittany Lyin’.
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Exclusive First Photo: Mike McQueary
Before the police took Mike McQueary into safe custody, we were able to snap this photo of him. That’s definitely the real Mike McQueary. You can obviously tell. Look at his sad face.
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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff
And also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats
