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Friday, March 29, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

This Is A Very Important Message To Anyone Who Carved A Pumpkin This Year

Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls, but more importantly, porch and stoop owners. I have a PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT.

Announcement GIFs | Tenor

It’s that time of year again where you slowly forget why you got so excited for pumpkin spice flavored items and start transitioning into the peppermint and gingerbread flavored items.

But look, I get it. What better way to spend a fall Saturday away from comfortably watching college football on your couch, perhaps eating a bowl of chili, than taking a trip down to the local patch o’pumpkin. A great fall activity, fun* for the whole family!

GIF sally pumpkin patch its the great pumpkin charlie brown - animated GIF  on GIFER

Maybe the best part about tapping the local pumpkin market is bringing that sucker home and carving the hell out of it. This is your seasonal opportunity to express your artistic ability and test your hand-eye coordination under the knife. The only activity out of the year where you convince yourself that maybe in some other life, you could’ve been the world’s greatest surgeon.

I would say it’s pretty safe to say most people carve their pumpkins well before Halloween to officially “get in the spirit” of the season while they sip a venti pumpkin spice latte. Like I said, it’s the season for pumpkin flavoring.

However, here’s what most pumpkin carvers don’t understand: with great pumpkin carving, comes great responsibility.

Present Responsibility and Its Determinations | Corporate Compliance  Insights

Here’s something most amateur pumpkin carvers might not know: a pumpkin is a fruit. ????????????

And what do most fruits do after you carve/cut them open? They decompose and look something like this:

So let’s do ourselves and our neighbors a favor this post-Halloween and dispose of them properly. I am allowing a very generous two-day buffer following Halloween, but anything after that is just garbage on your porch/stoop/patio.

In case you need a way to tell your neighbors, friends, family, and/or loved ones, I made it easy for you with this friendly PSA:

A.D.

A.D. is a Steelers season ticket holder and remembers when Wiz Khalifa was good. He hails from Pitt(sburgh), and has swam in the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans.

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