There’s No “M.J.” In Team

Michael Jordan has finally spoken out about his thoughts on LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, and that third guy with the long neck joining forces in Miami next season. Either that or he’s reminiscing about his old baseball playing days.

I’m going to go with the assumption that he is in fact talking about next year’s Miami Heat team. From the video above, if you were too lazy to click “Play”, Jordan says, “There’s no way, with hindsight, I would’ve ever called up Larry, called up Magic and said, ‘Hey, look, let’s get together and play on one team.’ In all honesty, I was trying to beat those guys.” Let’s dig deeper.

Michael probably didn’t call up those guys for a couple of reasons:

1. Alexander Graham Bell was still putting the finishing touches on what we now call the telephone.
2. Larry Bird was a white guy. (Black guys usually don’t want to play with white guys.)
3. Michael probably didn’t want to catch AIDS from Magic.

So let’s try not to compare your playing days with these guys’ style today. I mean, let’s be honest, back when you played, Michael, UNC was still good at basketball. Of course you didn’t want mega-team, like the Miami Heat will have next year. You didn’t want to share the rock (rock = basketball in cool people terms). That’s why Steve Kerr only had one game winner… ever. Face it, Michael, you’re more self centered than a sternum.

Just because LeBron can’t win by himself, Dwayne Wade needs more publicity after signing a shoe deal with Converse, and that third guy has a really long neck, doesn’t put them in the wrong for coming together and forming Megazord of basketball… except only with one dinosaur.