The Top Moments From The Match with Tiger, Peyton, Brady and Phil
Sports? Is that you? Oh my gosh, it’s been so long. How are you? I barely recognized you.
Get used that beautiful face because yesterday we got our first taste of sports starting to return. And don’t start with, “What about Bundesliga? It came back a couple weeks ago!” Look, I don’t care how much you talk about Bolognese, I’m never going to watch Bangladesh. And yeah, the KBO is going on right now. Our NC Dinos are in first by 3.0 games. Not to brag. But those games are on in the middle of the night. So to me, The Match was the first bit of sports we’ve had since – what feels like – the Clinton administration.
This was actually The Match 2, adding it to the list of The Godfather 2, Terminator 2: Judgement Day, Empire Strikes Back, The Dark Knight, (hot take) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, and Christmas Vacation as a sequel that was better than its original.
Let’s rehash some of the best moments…
The Trash Talk
And when I say trash talk, I really mean just jokes at Tom Brady’s expense, because he was so bad. Sure, I can’t imagine it’s easy to play golf in the rain, on national TV, in front of two of the greatest golfers ever and your biggest football rival. But it didn’t seem to phase anyone else.
The trash talk started light during warmups with Peyton taking a few jabs at Brady.
Then Tiger had his fun with Brady.
Even Sean Payton got in on it from the comfort of his covid-filled home.
Although, I will say, Brady was able to fight back a bit with his savage “they haven’t been good since you left” blast.
For the record, Tennessee literally won a national championship the year after Peyton left. But the point still stands. Manning should’ve hit him back with, “Michigan hasn’t beaten Ohio State since you left.”
But the best line of the day actually came from the mouth of Justin Thomas.
Brady Split His Pants
Brady leaves New England and everything begins to come undone. Starting with his pants. Honestly, this one moment made the entire 3+ hours all worth it. Anything I can watch that makes Tom Brady look like a total doofus, I’ll do it. Well, anything other than Tom vs. Time.
I always thought the joke “Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one” was just a joke. But Brady legitimately brought it to life. Then again, given his social media humor, that’s not really a shock. Frankly, I’m surprised he didn’t do it on purpose just to post that joke.
This obviously led Brady to change pants. But instead of changing into his own, he apparently borrowed a pair from Michael Jordan.
Even M.C. Hammer thinks those pants are too baggy. With all the wind, I’m surprised he didn’t blow away.
Brady’s Incredible Shot
This was like the one good thing he did all day. Let’s move on.
Tiger Woods’ Calves
I’m not going to lie. I’m pretty sure Sunday afternoon was the first time I’ve ever seen Tiger Woods’ calves. It kinda felt like seeing your high school principal out in the wild for the first time. You had no idea that person even owned a pair of shorts because you’ve only ever seen them in pants. You just never expected to see their legs. But here we are, I guess.
Was I impressed with Tiger’s calves? Hell no. Tiger’s legs are smaller than Johnny Bravo’s.
Do I respect the decision? Of course. Tiger rocking shorts showed he was there for casual vibes only. If he would’ve worn pants – especially with his Sunday red – I would’ve expected for him to literally murder someone on the course. He would’ve been like the guy who shows up to hoop at the local gym wearing sweatbands. Really, dude? This is just a pick up game.
Although, I will say. Next time Tiger opts for shorts, he should wear actual shorts and not capri pants.
Does This Count As A Major Win For Tiger?
It should.
What do you think is harder: surviving Amen Corner at Augusta or overcoming this first tee shot from Peyton?
That was a rhetorical question.
Peyton Manning Is… Really Good At Golf?!
Look, I’m not naive to think that anyone playing with and receiving coaching from Tiger isn’t going to be instantly made better, but Pey-pey actually looked solid out there. He made some long puts, hit some great approach shots, and really held his own. Then again, he is known for his gigantic fore-head.
I’m sorry. That was dumb. I’ll take a penalty stroke for that.
It also helped that Brady kinda sucked. He couldn’t putt. He couldn’t chip. And he produced worse drives than his final one in New England. You know the one.
The Rain
The Match felt a lot like that climactic scene from The Fan, based solely on the fact that it was pouring down rain and probably should’ve been called, but inexplicably wasn’t.
Really the only thing The Match was missing was Robert DeNiro posing as one of the golf officials obsessed with showing people his knife.
The one day we try and bring back actual sports, Mother Nature hits us with enough rain to make Seattle feel like the Sahara. But look, Mama Natch, we’re starving for sports, and you weren’t about to stop this from happening. And TNT wasn’t about to let you.
Plus, it kinda made everything look more awesome.
And romantic.
[divider][/divider]
Well, this was really nice, sports. We should do it again sometime. Seriously. I’m actually free all summer. Give me a call. I mean it. Let’s do this again. Please? Call me? Want to make sure you have my correct number? No, it hasn’t changed, I just… Let’s just please get together again really soon. Please.
Please.
Pingback: The Junk Drawer: Does Brady's Loss In The Match Tarnish His Legacy? And The Lamest Manning Joined Twitter - Korked Bats