The Top 6 Random Things Austin Found In His Basement Before Moving
This past weekend, I made one last trip to St. Louis for two main reasons before my move to Chicago becomes official.
#1. To hit up Waffle House one more time. And by once, I mean two more times.
And #2. (which is much less fun) To declutter my basement before the movers come this week.
On a scale of 1 to needs to be on an episode of Hoarders, I’m probably a 6… Or maybe a 7. I get sentimentally attached to things (sue me), I love to reminisce, and thus it leads me to save things that I have no business saving. So in honor of my move and some of the insanely random crap I found, I felt like sharing some of the things I found while cleaning my basement this past weekend.
HONORABLE MENTION: An autographed picture of former Titans defensive end Kyle Vanden Bosch
In early college, I interned for a sports talk radio station that covered Titans minicamp. One day, I had to grab Kyle Vanden Bosch for an interview. He was massive, he had red contacts in, and he was terrifying. I may or may not have pee’d myself. That was my only in-person interaction with him. And I was not carrying around a headshot of his with me nor was I confident enough to ask this machine-beast to sign something for me. Especially with newly pee’d pants. So I have no idea where I got this. But I held on to it. Maybe I can NFT it now?
HONORABLE MENTION: My high school letterman jacket
Question: How else were people in high school gonna know I played football, won state, and was an incredible douche all at once? Answer: This jacket. Real talk, though, I kinda feel bad for the letterman jacket. I feel like it’s an endangered species. You don’t see as many high schoolers rocking letterman jackets anymore. Not that I hang around high schools regularly or anything. I just feel like my grade was one of the final grades to rock these. But maybe it’s for the best? Especially considering J.J. Watt rocks them. And definitely un-ironically too.
Ok, now for the list.
6. The Note Sales Guy Jeff Wrote To Me On His Wedding Day
Sales Guy Jeff – who you may know from T-Rav Tasters – got married a few years back, asked me to be in his wedding, and wrote me a letter on the day of. It was very kind. But not good enough to be read on the podcast. And way too sappy to be shared on here. Thus why it’s only #6 on my list.
5. A Poem I Wrote About Cicadas In 5th Grade
In 5th grade was the first big cicada outbreak of my lifetime. The 17 year one. Well, now the 17-year cicadas are back. So this poem is actually timely again. Why did I save this? I don’t know. Why did I save any of this? Maybe I thought I was the Robert Frost of cicada poems.
4. A Letter I Got From High School Girlfriend After I Failed To Make The High School Baseball Team
My senior year, after football was done, I decided to try out for the baseball team. I loved baseball and was always decent, but not high school baseball team decent, apparently. I made the first cut, but failed to make the final cut. It sucked. So my girlfriend wrote me a sweet note with encouraging words and Bible verses and stuff. Did it work? Not at all. I was still gutted. But I appreciated the thought enough to keep the note. Glad I did too, because I really needed the reminder of that awful moment which led to a 45-minute cry alone in my basement this weekend.
3. This CD
Not much to say about this one. Shout out Mary Schneider for making half-as-many yodeling CD’s as ESPN made Jock Jams CDs.
2. A Personal Record Of How Much Gas I Was Able To Get Into My Old Car Written On A Bank Receipt
My old Chevy Blazer was a piece of crap, but boy did I love that car. It only held 16 gallons, but one day, I managed to run the gas tank so low that I was able to fill FOUR extra gallons into that bad boy on the next fill-up. This, apparently, was a feat I deemed important enough to write down and then save for 12 years and three moves across the country.
1. A Putt-Putt Scorecard From Spring Break Of My Senior Year of High School
Do you guys remember what you scored in putt-putt seventeen years ago? I do. Not to brag. The most awkward part about this is, I didn’t even win. So why in the hell did I save it? Who knows. All I know is congrats to my buddy Jeff (not Sales Guy) for winning.
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So there you have it. The most random things I found in my basement this weekend.
In my defense, if there is a shred of any left, I threw most of these things away. Other than the sick letterman jacket and maybe the cicada poem and ok, the letter Jeff wrote me on his wedding day, and the KVB autograph, and maybe the CD. But everything else, definitely, in the garbage now.
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