Saturday, June 22, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

The Pirates Won Their First World Series Since 1979 By Sweeping The Dodgers In Early June

The Pittsburgh Pirates swept the Los Angeles Dodgers yesterday and have taken 5 of 6 games from them this year. How do I know? Because they won’t stop tweeting about it.

You know the expression, “Act like you’ve been there before.” The Pirates clearly have not.

Look, I’m all for a team talking trash online. They walked the walk, now talk the talk. But this might be the most the Pirates have tweeted after a win… possibly ever. The Buccos were feeling themselves. And why shouldn’t they? For all I care (and Pittsburghers should care), the Pirates season is over. They’ve won it all. And they should parade across the Roberto Clemente Bridge. Hell, call up Jostens and get them some rings. This is the Pirates’ World Series. The team with an Aldi budget beat the team with the Top Gun: Maverick budget. Moneyball wins again. And by Moneyball, I mean Refuse To Spend Any Moneyball. And for that reason, they should just hang it up now. Go out on top. Because this series win does nothing but show those penny-pinching front office fun killers that when you refuse to spend it can pay off for one series a year!

So talk your talk, @Pirates social team. Because your franchise refuses to give one of the best sports cities in America a good baseball product. You already went through 21 years of playoff drought, and now it appears your actively working on the next 21-year drought. But hey, at least you got off some well-timed Spongebob Memes after beating the best team in the NL! Nevermind the fact the rest of the summer will be filled with low-budget medocrity. Nevermind the fact one of the best stadiums in baseball has seen only 5 playoff games in its 21-year existence (most of which were Wild Card games). Nevermind all the bad. DID YOU SEE THEY BEAT THE DODGERS?!

For the first time since 2000, they swept them in Los Angeles! Wait, sorry, LOSS Angeles! #sickburn

I get angry when I think about just how dominant the Pirates could be if they just had good ownership. But instead, we have to hope to see if they sweep one good team a year to see any baseball life come out of the Steel City. Hell, can you even name a single Pirate? Can anyone in Pittsburgh name a single Pirate? You want baseball to get back to popularity? Give incredible sports markets like the Burgh a winning product, and I assure you it would lift the buzz for the entire city. More than just a few June retweets.


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.