The New England Patriots Are Jason Voorhees

Just when you think they’re dead and the camera slowly zooms in on their lifeless body, that’s when you see a twitch. (That twitch was the Jets game.) Nothing to worry about initially. In fact, you probably didn’t even notice it. But then they wake up and begin to kill again. (And kill they did on Sunday night against the Ravens.) That’s where we’re at right now.

Just when you thought they couldn’t possibly make another Friday The 13th movie, is right when they hit you with another Friday The 13th movie. And just when you think the Patriots are dead, is right when the Patriots come back to life. Hold up, didn’t Jason die in a massive explosion at the end of the last movie? And didn’t the Patriots lose to the Titans, lose Tom Brady, and lose 8 players to opt-outs before the season? Yup and yup. But does it matter? Nope and nope.

They’re 4-5 and not just in the hunt. They’re on the hunt. And everybody needs to take notice. Before you get stabbed in the back by a machete or a deflated football.

I go into further details in the video above, but you catch my drift. The minute we start dancing on the grave of the Patriots is the moment they come back to life. Plus, it doesn’t help that their head coach looks like a serial killer.

And look, I know this isn’t a good look to fellow Patriot haters such as myself. Especially considering the last time I blogged about the Patriots, I actually defended them. I know, it’s gross. But I feel like the less we respect their ability to come back from the dead, the more likely they are to come back from the dead.

Check out our Korked Bats segment on 104.5 The Zone every Monday at 3:45p CT.