Saturday, July 20, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

The NASCAR Magician

The following is a true story. I couldn’t make this up if I tried. Mainly because I’m not creative. But also because I don’t think anyone could make this up.

My brother (Andy) and his fiancee (Emily) were in Columbia, Missouri this week, taking engagement pictures before their upcoming wedding. They chose to take the photos at a picturesque park called Rockbridge State Park. Andy arrived to the park a little later than Emily. When he got there, Emily asked if Andy could hang onto her car keys, since she was wearing a dress with no pockets. Andy decided he would keep her keys in his car (most likely in an attempt to avoid the awkward pocket bulge many men experience).

When Andy arrived at his car, he tossed the keys onto the seat, then locked and closed the door. Immediately after the door to his car closed, he realized that he had left his own keys on the seat, locking them in the car.  If you’ve ever done this yourself, you know it’s more annoying than an opponent faking an injury because they can’t handle your hurry-up offense. So after the photographer is done snapping photos of the happy couple, Andy and Emily stand around his car trying to come up with a way to get into it. After some feeble attempts, they decided to take Emily’s car and make the 25-minute drive home- they’d have to come back another time to get his keys out of his car.

Once they were about half-way home, Andy realized he had free roadside assistance with his car. He called the number and they said they’d be right out there to help him unlock his vehicle. So they turned around and headed back to the park. They arrived before the roadside assistant, and sat in their car waiting.

All of the sudden, Andy heard a knock on the driver-side window. He rolled down the window, and who did he see? None other than NASCAR superstar Carl Edwards.¹ Now, before I go any further, I’m assuming you’re thinking “NASCAR? I thought this was a sports web site?!” Well if you haven’t seen what makes Carl Edwards special, I encourage you to check it out for yourself.

But back to the story…

“You lock your keys in your car? I know a trick that might help you out,” Carl said. Andy wasn’t about to say no to Carl friggin’ Edwards, so he got out of his car to see what Carl was talking about. As the three of them stood in front of Andy’s locked car, Carl walked up to the left headlight, and pounded on the hood three times.  He then walked to the right side of the car and pounded on the hood above the right headlight three times.

“That’s about it,” Carl said as he walked to the driver side door. “Now count to three with me. One, two… Andy, you aren’t counting.”  So Andy and Carl proceeded to count again. And on three, Carl Edwards opened the door to Andy’s car.  Before Andy could even think to ask him how the heck it did this², Carl walked away, got in his car, and waved goodbye.  Their encounter was shorter than the Luke McCown era in Jacksonville, but Andy will forever be a Carl Edwards fan.

¹Carl Edwards is originally from Columbia, and he happened to be at the park playing with a friends’ dog.

²After some thought, Andy believes that Carl saw Andy struggling to get into his car before leaving the park.  Thinking that Andy left to get help to unlock his car, Carl must have unlocked it with some tool in he had with him.  How cool is that?  A NASCAR driver just thought he’d help a stranger and pretend he could do magic tricks.

• • •

Special thanks to @alstuck for sharing this story with us!

This post was written by Bryce. You can follow his musings about sports, life, and #whitegirlproblems on Twitter: @brycestuck

And also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow us, Korked Bats, on Twitter: @KorkedBats

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