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Thursday, March 28, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

The Most Important Moments from ‘The Last Dance’ Ep. 5 & 6

Episode 5

These might’ve been the two best episodes so far. We got a real look behind the curtain of Jordan and some of his flaws. Let’s dive in.

R.I.P. Kobe

Damn. Right out of the gates, The Last Dance hits you with not just clips of Kobe vs. MJ in the All-Star Game, but an interview with Kobe, where he said there is no 5 championships for him without Michael Jordan. That’s about where my eyes started sweating.

Air Jordans

In this episode we got the backstory behind Jordan signing with Nike. He really wanted to sign with Adidas. My guess is because he dresses about as well as Adidas designs uniforms.

However, his mom forced him to take a meeting with Nike, and with that move, very easily altered the course of human history forever. Nike pitched the hell out of Jordan during his visit and offered to launch his very own shoe line.

Also, shout out to the news anchor in the documentary who said, “Michael Jordan is as hot as a Cabbage Patch Doll,” which is one of the more time specific references he could’ve made for that era. What? Punky Brewster didn’t want any of that?

Hold up. Justin Timberlake?!

The *NSYNC and Suit & Tie singer was featured in this documentary. Why? Who the hell knows? Probably just because this was just a flex by the filmmakers. “We got Obama and referred to him as a Former Chicago Resident. Who else can we get and make them seem not as big time as they are? Any famous Memphis Grizzlies fans out there?”

We get it. The people behind this documentary have a giant rolodex, but you don’t need to add people to the doc just because you can. I don’t need to see George Clooney next week talking about the significance Jordan had on the Hanes brand.

Also, the biggest lie of this week’s episodes wasn’t Jordan saying he doesn’t have a gambling problem. It was J.T. saying that, as a kid, he used to have to cut the grass and do chores for an entire summer to save up enough money for a pair of Jordans.

Yeah, ok, Mousekateer.

I wonder how many lawns Macauley Culkin had to cut to get his first pair.

The Dream Team

Maybe this is the quarantine talking, but I would watch the entire uncut footage of the Dream Team’s Olympic practices. Think about that. Watching the 12 greatest players – sorry, the 11 greatest players and Christian Laettner – go at it in that practice would probably be more entertaining than many NBA games. Again, I don’t know if I’m saying that just because I’m starved for sports right now or because it would actually be awesome. But if we can get Korean baseball on ESPN, I’m sure we could make this work, right?

The Pronunciation of Toni Kukoc

Glad to see Toni Kukoc finally get some facetime in this docuseries. Only took 5 episodes. Still waiting on Luc Longley though. Kukoc was referred to as the Left-Handed Magic Johnson. I’m not sure if that’s because he actually played like Magic Johnson or more so just because no one could pronounce Kukoc back then.

I get it. We hit the same snafu with Dirk. Is it Nowitzki or NoVITski? The funny thing was to just hear how many pronunciations we got with it. One guy interviewing Karl Malone and the guy reading his draft pick called him Tony Ku-KOTCH. And you know Charles Barkley couldn’t pronounce it. He said Ku-COKE.

Leave it to Bob Costas to nail the pronunciation though, with a good ol’ Ku-coach. Classic Costas. You could literally make up a word, and Costas would know the proper pronunciation for it.

Reebok

First it was Adidas. Now Reebok? Jordan’s take swings at every major shoe manufacturer one at a time this episode. You better run and hide, Skechers Shape-Ups!

Apparently Jordan didn’t want to wear the Team USA uniforms during the Olympic Medal ceremonies, because they were made by Reebok. So instead he draped an American flag over his shoulder to hide thee Reebok logo. Kind of a sucky moment for Reebok, but look on the bright side. Here we are 28 years later talking about Reebok. So that’s a plus, right?

The Former Chicago Resident

It’s really encouraging to know that this guy…

…grew up to eventually become this guy.

Good for him. Follow your dreams, kids.

However, still no word if that former Arkansas Governor ever amounted to anything.

The Georgia Dome

Oh man. It’s only been gone for a couple years, but seeing The Georgia Dome felt like such a blast from the past. You may know know it as the stadium used for the SEC Championship, the home of the Atlanta Falcons, or the site of where Ludacris would like to l-l-l-lick you from your head to your toes in one of his fa-fa-fa-fanta-tasies.

But apparently it also served as the site of one of Jordan’s last games against the Hawks. Over 63,000 people watched. Or at least tried to, because if you got a last row seat, in that place, this was probably your view:

200+ Amazing World Photos Pexels · Free Stock Photos

Sinbad

To prove the cultural impact Jordan had, the documentary went through a montage of the celebrities who showed up to games just to see Michael Jordan play. One of those celebrities was Sinbad. The ’90s were a wild time, man.

You may remember Sinbad as the genie in that one movie. But actually, you’re wrong. Scroll his IMDB. Sinbad never played a genie. Ever. It’s one of the most famous Mandela effects. Right up there with the spelling of The Berenstain Bears. But this was the height of him being in Jingle All The Way, First Kid, and Houseguest. RIP in peace Phil Hartman.

Jerry Seinfeld

One of the actual biggest celebrities of the ’90s was Jerry Seinfeld. Take the amount of fame that Joe Exotic has had over the last eight weeks, double it, and spread it over eight years, and you’ve got Jerry Seinfeld in the ’90s. I did find it odd how he and Phil Jackson interacted like they were exes.

Click the right arrow for the top moments of Episode 6….

Austin

Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.

Austin

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