The Last 5 Months When The Patriots Were Bad Were The Greatest 5 Months Ever

Call me crazy, but the last 5 months – prior to Sunday evening – were the greatest 5 months this country has ever seen. Sure there’s political discourse, social unrest, women throwing food out of their shopping carts, and oh yeah, a global pandemic. But through all of that, the Patriots sucked! Which I think we can agree was awesome! For the first time in the last 2 decades, the New England Patriots were an afterthought. The road to the Super Bowl was no longer paved through Foxboro. Tom Brady is gone. Rob Gronkowski is gone. Their GM is a dog.

It was awesome. Unfortunately, that all ended Sunday night when Cam Newton signed with the Patriots. Now many claim they saw this coming. And sure, with all the bad news that has come out this year, you’d be dumb not to think the Patriots would replace their former MVP quarterback with a more athletic MVP quarterback. A guy who may not go to the Met Gala, but dresses like he wishes he could.

Now I’m afraid to say the Patriots are indeed good again. For 5 months, we talked about potential Super Bowl winners, and the Patriots weren’t even mentioned. And it was incredible. What? Did you really think Jarrett Stidham could get the job done? I’d bet Jarrett Stidham’s family didn’t even believe in Jarrett Stidham. No offense to Jarrett Stidham, but the Patriots would have no offense with Jarrett Stidham.

But now they have Cam, and here we are again, talking about the Patriots even after their Brady dynasty ended. We’ve once again returned to hell as if we forgot our car keys or something.

Cam Newton put together one of the most unstoppable seasons in 2015 when he led the Panthers to a Super Bowl. And sure, he hasn’t been able to replicate that since, but that’s only because his brain has become mushier than southern grits, after his offensive line forgot how to block. But even with his breakfast food brain over the last 4 years, he’s still been able to maintain an elite level of play. So when you take that and match it with Bill Belichick’s witch-doctor leadership and the Patriots knack for cheating, I don’t see how we can’t pencil them into AT LEAST the AFC Championship, if not further. No disrespect to the Chiefs, Ravens and Titans (I only added them because I’m insanely biased), but the Patriots have held a level of consistency almost as long as Lamar Jackson has been alive. And now they just traded in their Mercedes S-Class for a freaking Audi R8.

At least we’ll always have those 5 months. From the moment Tom Brady threw that pick-6 to Logan Ryan in the playoffs, to Sunday night. It was 5 months of bliss. Yes, the rest of the world was burning all around us, but the Patriots sucked. So, I gotta hit with the Larry David GIF on that on.

So as the Patriots advance in the playoffs next year, just think back to these last 5 months when they sucked. During the offseason. Your kids and/or grandkids may not believe it ever happened, but we witnessed it. We were there. And it was glorious.