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Wednesday, April 24, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

The Ladies Room: Picking Sides and Taking Names

Parental Warning: This is literally a warning for my parents.  I say whore in the second sentence of this post.  I still attend church regularly and love puppies.  Please understand it was intended for a comedic metaphor, so feel free to laugh.

A key ingredient to sports is having a favorite team.  You can’t just whore yourself out to the flavor of the week.  The sports fanatic will refer to this as being a ‘fair weather fan.’  No one with any self-respect will take you seriously.  And neither will you at the end of the day.

Maybe you’re sitting there thinking to yourself,

“I don’t know how to pick a sports team!

I barely know if the Jets are a band looking for a girl with a long jacket or a team that can win the world cup! العاب ربح المال من الانترنت

Well, sit back, grab a box of Girl Scouts cookies, and calm down.  This is where you get to play the field.  You get to shop around.  It’s your turn to decide who stays and who goes. Your turn to hand out the rose while Chris Harrison mediates.  You don’t have to pick the one that’s close to home or your high school sweetheart. اربح   It’s time to get creative in deciding the team you’re going to get serious with. However, I don’t want you going in this decision alone. With that said, here are some things to consider in picking the team of you dreams:

DON’T pick a team that has ugly team colors.

DO pick a team that has colors that bring out your eyes.

People take pictures at sporting events and then they put those pictures on the internet.

You never know who’s checking you out on the internet.

DON’T pick a team that has a tiger as the mascot. Overdone? Yes.

(we get it, you’re ferocious, overcompensating for something?)

DON’T pick a team that has cheaters. Or baby criers.

(The baby crier rule can be overlooked depending on the greatness or attractiveness of the athlete in question.)

DON’T pick a team that has Kobe Bryant on it.

DON’T pick teams that are cursed.

It’s like having a crush on George Clooney.  Even if you finally make it through his security and he sees that ‘thing’ in you and he asks you out for coffee and then he calls when he says he’ll call and then he asks you out to dinner and then agrees to take a ‘couple’ picture with you and then he asks you to be his girlfriend and introduces you to his mother and gives you a car and maybe some jewelery, he will still never.never.ever.ever.ever.marry you.  Some say it’s a risk worth taking (Red Sox fans), some say just move on (Mets fans).

And last, but definitely not least…

DO pick a team that has someone good-looking.

Then when you have no idea what’s going on, you are still invested emotionally.

This was also The OC’s entire marketing plan. (oh, you don’t remember that show either? كازينو ٨٨٨ )

(yes, it was the show with this guy)

Have fun choosing a team that you can be proud of and if you like it, then you better put a ring on it. A championship ring.*

* – Sports reference

0 thoughts on “The Ladies Room: Picking Sides and Taking Names

  • Avatar
    February 28, 2011 at 4:20 pm
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    This is too funny, Erin! And just so you know, when it comes to College Basketball, there is only one team…Duke Blue Devils! And yes, I look good in blue! :)

    Reply
  • Avatar
    February 28, 2011 at 5:16 pm
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    Knowing almost nothing about sports, this was simultaneously educating and entertaining! I am one step closer to deciding my sports team… too bad I won’t be taking any more steps towards that goal, ever. :p

    Reply
  • Avatar
    February 28, 2011 at 8:11 pm
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    as a mets fan who will never give up on them, but who also stops watching their games at the same time every year (otherwise known as when they start to destroy their chances of any kind of title), i say this:

    blue & orange really bring out my eyes. also darryl strawberry was my favorite player when i was 11.

    only because his last name was a fruit i liked to eat.

    like every other girl who liked him.

    go mets. i believe in you.
    (for now)

    Reply
  • Avatar
    March 1, 2011 at 3:47 pm
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    If you were named after a pro athlete, doesn’t that automatically make you have to like that team?

    Reply
  • Avatar
    March 8, 2011 at 12:23 am
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    Erin, this cracked me up. I am definitely going to have to let my husband read this, since he grew up in Alaska and chose all of his team loyalties in a similar, random fashion. I am really enjoying your posts.

    Reply

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