The Cardinals Season Is In The Crapper

Disclaimer: Please allow us to apologize in advance for the excessive use of the word “shit” in this post. It’s all in shitty fun.

With their loss today, the St. Louis Cardinals have lost 7 of their last 10 including 4 straight. They have been trying to fend off the pun-intended Reds hot baseball team from Cincinnati all season. They are currently 7 games back in the NL Central, the Pac-10 Conference of MLB Divisions. However, the USC of the division, the Cardinals have obviously been in a late season slump. With the exception of Triple Crown contender, Albert Pujols, the Cardinals have had a tough time hitting (Which is kind of ironic, considering that’s the same problem the St. Louis Rams have been having).

However, according to their website last night following their 3-0 loss to the Houston Astros, the Cardinals are also having a tough time shitting. Which for those of you who don’t realize, this is the biggest news to come out of the NL Central since Brandon Phillips tried to go Green Street Hooligans against the Cardinals, which coincidentally, I believe, is the last time the Cardinals won a game.

Now I’m no baseball coach, but usually when I have a tough night shitting, I use Ex-Lax. Just a suggestion.

Of course, most St. Louisians? St. Louises? St. Louis Saints? residents of St. Louis aren’t surprised by this fact, I mean the Cardinals did used to play in Sportsman’s Park which was the old home of the St. Louis Browns. And before they were the Cardinals, they were the St. Louis Brown Stockings. Now how do you think their stockings turned brown? Eh?

The Cardinals just need a new shitting coach because, let’s face it, two shits just isn’t going to get the job done in what most would call the shittiest of all divisions. Cardinals Hitting Coach Mark McGuire is a shitty hitting coach, just not a hit shitting coach. And that makes all the difference.

Maybe the Cardinals should look into signing Harry Dunne as their shitting coach for next season. If you haven’t seen him shit, he’s pretty good!

Trust us, Harry Dunne, will have Cardinals fans saying this next season:

(Video contains excessive use of the word shit.)