The Cardinals Have A Player Named Lars Nootbaar And I Can No Longer Think About Anything Else

Since moving from St. Louis, I haven’t been able to keep tabs on the Cardinals as closely this year as I have in years past. Part of that is probably due to their consistent inconsistency, and sitting 12 games back in the central, but tonight I learned something that might just suck me back in. They have a guy on their roster named Lars Nootbaar.

Lars Nootbaar.

Let me say it again just for good measure. Lars Nootbaar. Sounds like something you’d order at an artisan bakery. “Hi, can I get a Vanilla Latte and one Nootbaar please?” Like who is this dude? I know literally nothing about him other than the fact that his name sounds like the combination of a Bond villain and Girl Scout Cookie. And the fact that he homered tonight. He apparently made his MLB debut on June 22nd of this year. He has an older brother named Nigel (also awesome) and he’s the great-grandson of Herbert Nootbaar (even more awesome). Does this family know how to party or what?! His dad is of Dutch descent and his mom is Japanese.

Wanna know even more cool stuff about him?

TAT-SOO-EE NOOTBAAR??? Give him a red jacket, his own Corvette to ride on Opening Day, and his own statue next to the Musial. This dude is already a Cardinals legend. From my very brief and not very thorough research, he is the first player in Cardinals history with the name of Lars. And he might just have the greatest Cardinals name since Nick Punto or So Taguchi. Cardinals fans better treat Lars Nootbaar right. And enjoy him while you can, before he’s inevitably shipped off to another team where he’ll have instant and lasting success. *cough Rany Arozarena, Luke Voit, Tommy Pham, Patrick Wisdom, Marcell Ozuna, etc. cough* Sorry, had to clear my throat. Not COVID, I swear.

Lars Nootbaar forever.



Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.


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