Saturday, May 25, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

The Birth – The Story of the NFL’s Journey into Korked Bats

Is it wrong to request entry into such a beautiful oasis of knowledge? I was talking to my brain today and thought:
“Brain, I need to bring an NFL correspondent to Korked Bats. Someone who brings in-depth NFL analysis to the table.”
My brain has this weird chuckle when it knows that I – sorry, it- is on to something. Kinda cute. Anywho, I approached Austin with this idea. He told me that he had kids from China that had better insight into the NFL.
Naturally, I drove to Columbia, Missouri and did this.

I then had to drive back to Nashville and face his mother, Lisa. She did this.
Much to your surprise, I’m just joshing. Austin was delighted (I’m taking it upon myself to use that word) to have my interest. So without further adieu, I bring you my first article:

The Old but Still Restless
By: Davis Naish

Is there any respect left in the NFL for a west coast, slightly flamboyant quarterback? Is there any room for an extremely underrated, silently threatening running back?
Does experience have no say?!?!
Apparently Jeff Garcia and Fred Taylor have lost their bang for their buck.
http://weblogs.newsday.com/sports/football/bob_blog/jeffgarcia.jpg http://skylarsraiders.files.wordpress.com/2008/09/fred_taylor.jpg
Dear Tampa Bay,

Are you gentlemen aware that you haven’t had an ounce of luck at the quarterback position… EVER?! Trent Dilfer? Shaun King? Brian Griese? First, I honestly think that Dilfer wouldn’t be able to pick which lineman he’s supposed to get the ball from if there wasn’t a ball in play. Thankfully my brain has kindly dropped the memories of Shaun King and his drastic underachievement. Thanks to ESPN, we have to catch the glare from both of their heads whenever they attempt to enlighten us with sub-par knowledge and commentating. Lastly, yes, Brian Griese is good for a 400 yard game once per three years but he is second on my “Who’s arm will fall off first” list – right behind Ben Roethlisberger. 119 touchdown throws in 11 years? Brady would’ve done that in 2 if he didn’t get his knee bamboozled. What are you guys thinking? You’re asking yourself, why are we dropping Jeff Garcia – one of the most fitting Quarterbacks this franchise has ever owned?

Could it be due to the recent firing of former head coach and “Chucky” look-a-like, Jon Gruden?
Could it be his age?
I think the success of Kerry Collins has busted that myth. He’s shown that even if your hair is grey, your knees are buckling, and you can’t throw a ball beyond 45 yards, you can manage a team to the playoffs. Well, not in all cases. Take the advice of a mere bystander, Mr. Dominik.
Apologize to Jeff and restructure your offensive line!

• • •

Dear Jacksonville,

You idiots. Seven 1,000 yard seasons. Hmm. A 4.6 Yard Per Game career average. Hmm. Only 26 fumbles in 11 seasons. Hmm. Did you at least scratch your heads before making this decision? I do agree that Pocket Hercules (Maurice JD) is a prized back – But is he an every down back? We can’t say yet but size is an issue. Again you can rebut this with “He’s getting up there in age.” Sure a 33 year old running back isn’t ideal, but he ran for 1,146 yards when he was 30 and 1,202 yards at 31. Stats don’t lie Mr. Del Rio. Have a heart. Give the man his six mill and call it a day.

• • •

Obviously I’m trying to punch these two organizations square in the “hooies”, but everybody needs a cup check every now and then. Do two things for me today all you readers (I’m sure there are thousands). Listen to The Dan Patrick Show 1:00 to 4:00 ET on ESPN Radio and prep yourself for my 32 day Round 1 Mock Draft.

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