The Angels in the Outfield Conspiracy That Still Affects Us Today
Angels in the Outfield (1994) is a movie that holds a special place in many a person’s childhood memories. What many people don’t know about are the underlying layers running deep within the film.
The simple plot is this: Kid is an orphan. Kid wants his Dad back and asks when that could happen. Dad says when the Angels win the pennant. Kid takes that seriously and wishes upon a star. Real angels come down and help the Angels win the pennant. Dad was lying, but the manager of the Angels adopts the kid and his best friend. Happy family!
However, what people really don’t know is that this kid didn’t only get one wish granted.
This “kid,” named Roger, was played by actor Joseph-Gordon Levitt. Roger actually got THREE special wishes granted.
And what are THREE wishes without a Genie to grant them:
Maggie, the Foster Mom is also a part-time Genie Lady.
The movie does not fill you in on this info, you kinda gotta do the math yourself. You see, Maggie also happens to be the crazy bird lady from Home Alone 2:
AKA probably some witch stuff happens.
The THREE wishes granted for young Roger/Joseph were as follows:
1.) To get Danny Glover as a cool dad:
While it appears in the movie that the request of a pennant victory was the primary wish, that is not the case. The real wish was for young Joseph Gordon-Levitt to get a cool dad. Who is a cooler dad than one half of Lethal Weapon, the president from 2012, or the guy that participated in an Operation to Drop a Dumbo?
Two Words: The Gloveman!
• • •
2.) To be a Batman sidekick:
For those who haven’t seen The Dark Knight Rises, stop reading.
*** SPOILERS ***
Alright if you’re still reading and you don’t want to, it’s your fault now.
Joseph Gordon-Levitt is quite a bit older now. He spends the entire movie of The Dark Knight Rises helping out Batman in the public spotlight. At the end of the movie, he is basically appointed as Batman’s predecessor and the original Batman retires. Every kid’s dream. Well-played, second wish.
*** NO MORE SPOILERS, DON’T WORRY ***
• • •
3.) To be a young version of Bruce Willis
This one is simple. As a kid, every dude wanted to be Bruce Willis for a day. Die Hard was a game-changer for Nerf shootouts. Real-life Bruce Willis is aging faster than Gangnam Style. Solution = Joseph Gordon-Levitt gets to play Bruce Willis’ younger self in the new movie Looper.
Overall, little Joseph Gordon-Levitt got THREE special wishes and decided not to waste any of them on something stupid like taking the hyphen out of his name.
He also outplayed the dumbass child from Kazam:
You wished for fast-food to fall out of the sky? Really, dude? The 5-second rule doesn’t apply to a whole city block you dirt-eating chump.
• • •
This post was created by Chris. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @ChrisTrauma
Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats