Thursday, June 20, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

The $35 Million Dollar Man

Whenever I am offered an 8 year, $35 million dollar contract I always like to sleep on it and then hit up my favorite doughnut shop the next morning to think about it.

Coincidentally, so does John Calipari!

Tuesday, John Calipari inked up a contract that made him the highest paid coach in college basketball.

Welcome to Kentucky
13 Final Four Appearances
100-45 NCAA Tournament Record
7 National Titles (Second only to UCLA)

Think You’re Up For It, Cal?

Calipari, a year from leading the Memphis Tigers to the national title game, is now taking the reigns of the winningest college basketball program of all time. Only, the Wildcats haven’t gotten the wiff of a Final Four game in over a decade.

The Wildcats are coming off a season in which they only had 22 wins. That may seem like a lot to the average college basketball team, but does 22 million dollars seem like a lot of money to Bill Gates?

This past season, the Cats failed to make it to the NCAA Tournament under coach Billy Gillispie for the first time since 1991. The Cats then went on to lose to Notre Dame in the NIT Quarterfinals.

Billy Gillispie proved to be as good of a fit at Kentucky as the Green Lantern at a Superhero Convention. Sure he seems like he will be able to save your program, but after a while you realize that his super powers are worthless!

And right about now, Calipari compares to Obi Won Kenobi as Kentucky’s only hope succeeding Darth Vader Gillispie.

In this photo: Calipari is yelling, “My ass is killing me from my new HUGE wallet!”

So congratulations John Calipari on your new job. Enjoy your doughnut, but when you wake up tomorrow, you have as much work to do for Kentucky Basketball as Barack Obama has to do for our economy. Best of luck…

But like another Cal I know, this Cal makes his own luck.


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.


One thought on “The $35 Million Dollar Man

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    April 1, 2009 at 12:21 am

    if he can bring wall and cousins with him he really wont have that much work to do at all. the starting 5 would consist of all future nba players (meeks, patterson, orton, #1 rated recruit in the country wall, and #2 rated cousins)

    orton COULD be a push but the other 4 are no brainers.

    automatic top 5 team next season no doubt. uk’s well documented main problem this past season (well, besides billy g) was poor point guard play. put wall on last years team and i guarantee uk wins the sec and makes the tourney easily. put him on next years, the sky is the limit.

    so austin, while i did enjoy your post, i do not agree with the obama/economy comment.


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