Tebow Upsets Retirement Home By “Just Winning” Bingo

Tim Tebow’s celebrity status in Denver seemed to know no bounds. Famous for his patented ability to “just win,” Tebow brought vigor to a team otherwise distraught. Despite an unconventional quarterbacking style, the Denver Broncos are nearly flawless since Tebow brought his “Just Win Football Games” mentality to the field.

Tebow has used his new-found celebrity for good, taking to the community of Denver to spread his charm. Helping children, donating to charity, volunteering his time. But not everyone is pleased with his “just win” outlook.

Tebow spent Monday at Earnest Meadows Retirement Home just outside of Denver, where he played bingo with the residents. But tempers began to flair after Tebow came back from seemingly insurmountable odds to win that day’s bingo game.

“He had no chips down, not a single one,” protested Ruth, an old lady, “and then all of a sudden, he got five in a row! Just like that!”

“At first he wasn’t too accurate with his bingo chips. They’d just fly everywhere. He was something like 2-24 until the end, then he went 5-5 and got a bingo,” commented Ruth, a different old lady than the other Ruth.

Tebow reportedly “played horrible bingo until the very end, then just somehow beat us,” gurgled some old man whose name I didn’t really care about.

Another Ruth chimed in, “Martha Barber had won the game! She just fumbled the last chip. All she had to do was not fumbled that chip and she would have won! It’s not her fault she has arthritis.”

Barber’s fumbled opened the door for Tebow to get five chips in a row, and call out bingo, pointing to the heavens as he did so, then proceeded to Tebow the entire bingo hall.