Good afternoon ladies and gents, being that today is the greatest display of American-ism besides July 4th, I thought I should throw up a little holiday post. Be honest, I think we all understand that Super Bowl Sunday should be a national holiday… especially more than Columbus Day or President’s day.
As you all should know after two weeks of unceasing coverage for this one game, Peyton Manning and Dwight Freeney’s ankle will be playing against that city that got hit by a hurricane. Surprisingly enough, there are more to each of the teams, but that is all that ESPN/FoxSports/Animal Planet have been talking about the past two weeks. Now seeing that no one has really talked about the game, I thought I would give you some insight for those of you that are going to be making a lot of bets…
Do I know who is going to win?
In a word, Yes.
But I can’t tell you guys. I went back to the future a few years back and stole a sports almanac. Apparently that messed up the entire time-space continuum, so I corrected my mistake.
Who will the Super Bowl MVP thank first?
God (9/5 odds)
If it’s Peyton he will definitely do it because he was properly educated. If it is Drew Brees, he probably will (The reason I say probably as apposed to a definite yes, he has lived in Nah’lins for a while so he may be VooDoo). If it’s Reggie Bush, he’ll probably thank Kim.
Will “The Who” smash a guitar on stage?
Yes (-115 odds)
If these guys are smart, they won’t get fooled again and probably have already placed a lot money on this bet. Seriously, If someone put a bet on “Will Chip do this…” I would definitely do it. Especially if it has to do with breaking/destruction/Kim Kardashian.
What color Gatorade will be dumped on the Head Coach of the winning team?
Orange (9/2 odds)
You guys may be thinking that it will be blue, yellow, or black due to the two teams playing. Nah, this is Miami and everyone knows that besides Riptide Rush (not an option), Orange is by far the best flavor.
How Long will it take Carrie Underwood to sing the National Anthem?
Over 1 minute 42 seconds (+110)
This one is pretty close in my book, but if there is anything I learned from American Idol, it is that they know how to prolong something. “Oh, we can give out the results in 2 minutes… let’s make this episode an hour.” Take my word for it, I have DVRed every Idol episode this season. Don’t judge me.
Those are the only ones that I know for certain, but I will be throwing down a few dollars on the serious bets… You know, the # of Pete Townshend windmill strikes, Archie Manning face time, and what will the Stock Market close at tomorrow (all real). So I’m gonna go watch the Puppy Bowl in HD and I will see you guys later. Happy Betting.