Stop Releasing Super Bowl Commercials Online Before The Damn Super Bowl!

Dear Advertising Agencies-

This is Austin. You may remember me. Directly after college, I worked in one of you for a brief period of time. That was a weird way to phrase that. Let’s just move on.

Over the last 5-6 years, I’ve noticed you’ve been dropping your Super Bowl commercials on the YouTubes, the eBaumsWorld, and the like before the Super Bowl is even played. Can I ask a question? Why?

What’s the point of dropping it early? Why even air it during the Super Bowl if you’re looking for instant virality? You don’t want to schedule these things out for Sunday evening so they drop online right when the game kicks off? If you’re dropping it online ahead of the Super Bowl, then is it even a Super Bowl commercial at all?

The only thing that stems from you dropping your commercials early is the one guy at every Super Bowl party who points to the screen before EVERY commercial and shouts, “Oh, I’ve seen this one. It’s so good! Watch this!” That guy is probably named Greg. And we know, Greg. They’re Super Bowl commercials. They’re ALL good. We don’t need your director’s commentary on top of it, Greg.

So please, help us shut Greg up. He’s annoying. And you hold all the power there. Don’t give him the commercials ahead of time to sit at home watching one after another, all of which are embedded in some BuzzFeed listicle with the headline: “A Ranking Of All Of This Year’s Super Bowl Commercials! #6 Will Shock You!”

This is going to sound crazy, but… Super Bowl commercials were made for the Super Bowl. Not some pay-for article in Ad Week. I don’t want my aunt emailing me a Super Bowl commercial with a really cute dog in it on Tuesday of Super Bowl week. Hell, I don’t want my aunt emailing me at all during Super Bowl week. If French Stewart is going to make a surprise cameo in a commercial, I’d like for it to be – oh, I dunno – a surprise. Advertising agencies who drop their commercials before the Super Bowl party are like some guy standing outside the door of a surprise party to tell the birthday boy they’re about to walk into a surprise party.

Is this an extremely dumb thing to be complaining about? Of course. Is it the dumbest complaint you’ll find on the Internet today? Not even close!

I just went to a MACDONALD’S and there was no MCFISH on the menu. When the hell did that happen? Is it permanently banned? Or is just my “local” MACDONALD’S. I demanded to see the “manager” but they accused me of being a “MALE KAREN” so i walked out. pic.twitter.com/oSpgFqfYGZ

— Greg Kelly (stop with the "Gregory" (for now)) (@gregkellyusa) February 4, 2021

If people are going to complain about MACDONALD’s selling the McFish (Filet-O-Fish?) anymore, then certainly, I can blog an open letter to someone from a generic advertising agency about when ads get uploaded to the Internet.

So, please, go back to dropping commercials the old fashioned way. On TV during the Super Bowl. Let them live online after.

Thanks,

Austin

P.S. — We don’t need the teasers either. I don’t want to know that there’s going to be a commercial staring Cardi B and Wayne and Garth from Wayne’s World.