Start Your Week By Watching This 1986 Promo That’ll Instantly Make You Grow Hair On Your Chest

Excuse me while I go grill a steak, chug some motor oil out of a beer bong, and shop at Home Depot without asking for help.

If that video doesn’t make you feel like a toxic masculine man, I don’t know what will. Obviously, when it started with that graphic you’d normally see on a laserdisc you used to watch in science class back in the day, you probably thought nothing of it. You had no idea where it was going. But they you quickly were thrusted into a world of guns, explosions, and a shirtless Michael Caine? Despite Alfred laying awkwardly on a woman, this video had it all. Including a narrator saying “over the top” while showing a clip from Over The Top. That was magnificent. Hopefully whoever wrote that got a raise. But not too big of a raise, because I’m pretty sure Cannon Films went under. Probably shortly after making this big budget promo.

Actually, I just looked it up. They had an 8-year run after this thing, which makes even more sense. How can you watch this video and not want to immediately run to Blockbuster Video to rent every single copy of every film they’ve ever made. You having trouble getting your kids to eat their vegetables to grow up big and strong? Show them this video, and that broccoli will be off the plate before the third explosion.

I’ll be real with you people. Since watching that video, my voice dropped two octaves, I now know the difference between a biscuit joiner and a miter saw, and now I sometimes go to Advance AutoParts just to browse. That video made me a man, and I’m so glad I started my week with it.