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Some Kids Let A Black Widow Bite Them In Hopes of Turning Into Spider-Man – SPOILER: It Didn’t Work

SOURCE The Marvel-loving siblings — aged 12, 10 and 8 — found the spider while herding goats in Chayanta, a Ministry of Health official revealed at coronavirus briefing Saturday, according to Telemundo.

Thinking it would give them superhero powers, they prodded it with a stick until it bit each of them in turn, the official, Virgilio Pietro, said.

Finding them crying, their mom rushed them to a nearby health center, which transferred them to a nearby hospital, Telemundo said.

The would-be Peter Parkers were transferred a third time, taken to the Children’s Hospital in La Paz the next day with fevers, tremors and muscle pains, according to the report.

Well… Don’t bury the lede! Did it work?!

There, they were successfully treated and discharged last Wednesday, almost a week after they were bitten, the report says.

Pietro shared the drama as a warning to parents, saying that“for children everything is real, movies are real” — even though they are in fact an “illusion,” according to Telemundo.

Guess not.

Look, am I going to knock these kids for wanting to be Spiderman? No. Spiderman is dope, and aside from Baby Groot, he’s the youngest Avenger, so they probably relate the most to him.

We all know that with great power comes great responsibility. Sure. But without great power, comes no responsibility. Which kinda helps explain this story. These kids were just trying to change that.

Also, anyone else get the sense that this story was planted by Marvel? Feels kinda odd to not only get this story of these kids trying to be Spiderman, but they also used a Black Widow to try it? Hmmm… Feels like sneaky guerilla marketing to me. Let me guess the kids woke up from their comas with a lisp and claiming to be feeling really “Thor.” But their physician, Dr. Strange, said he could see in their future that they’d be ok. Just feels like Marvel is just trying to keep Black Widow in the forefront of our minds despite the movie’s release date getting pushed back.

Now, I know I did say earlier that I wouldn’t knock these kids, but I lied.

These kids are absolute morons.

Of course letting a spider bite you didn’t automatically turn you into Spiderman! Everyone knows it was a radioactive spider that bit Peter Parker. Next time, Ice Bucket Challenge that spider with toxic waste before letting it bite you. Then you’ll be dating Zendaya in no time.

Then again, according to this story black widows are pretty deadly, especially for kids.

With venom 15 times stronger than a rattlesnake’s, black widows are one of the most feared spiders in the world, and the most venomous in north America, National Geographic says.

While their bites are not usually fatal, children are among those most at risk, along with the elderly and infirm, the site says.

So if these kids survived a black widow bite… does that mean they have superhuman strength? Oh snap!

TO BE CONTINUED… I guess?

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If you’re waiting for an after-credits scene to this blog, this isn’t an actual Marvel movie.

Austin

Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter (which he apparently thought was important enough to share here). He also wears pants everyday.

Austin

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