Some Advice On What To Get Your Dad For Father’s Day

As Father’s Day approaches, no doubt some people are scrambling for a gift for Dad. Although the pressure of delivering a quality Father’s Day gift is but a fraction of the Mother’s Day gift, some thought must be undertaken.  

If you still haven’t decided what to do or buy for Pops, please do not go the route of searching up articles titled, “50 Best Gifts for Dad.” This will result in a list of $250 gadgets and luxury items the GQ writer was paid to include and which your dad would never use. Face it, your dad is never going to use an electronic wine opener.

If you want a gift for dad – one that he’ll actually like and won’t break the bank, here are some ideas.

A pair of sneakers.

You might think your dad doesn’t want sneakers, he probably acts like he doesn’t care. And that’s partly true. Most likely, your dad wants new sneakers but doesn’t want to go to a shoe store and be assaulted by house music and skinny-jeaned-employees as he shops.

“Yeah but…Sneakers? I don’t want to shop for sneakers with my dad.”

Do not fret. If your dad is over 40, chances are he’s purchased the exact same brand and size of sneakers 5 times in a row (so, for 20 years). Find his current pair of shoes, note the brand and size, and buy those. The size can be tricky, because he’s probably had his current pair for years and the size information has worn off, but do your best.

If you are somehow unable to get hold of your dad’s shoes, there’s still hope. If you buy a pair of New Balance walking shoes. Mostly white. Size 10 ½ – there’s a 99% chance you selected the correct pair.

Won’t your dad be the envy of everyone at Home Depot as he cruises the aisles in his shiny white grips? You bet he will.

A burger.

If your dad eats burgers, your dad wants a burger. You can give him everything he wants for Father’s Day by buying him a burger, fries and a drink. He will not say, “Where’s the rest?” He will not be disappointed that there’s no Sharper Image $70 toiletry bag with Wifi to unwrap. He will be perfectly content.

If you really want to go the extra mile you can take these extra steps:

• If Covid has forced your Father’s Day meal order through a drive-thru lane, just order a number from the menu.Dad doesn’t want to ask them what’s on the sandwiches for you. He doesn’t want to relay your customizations from the passenger seat for you. He doesn’t want to go back to the window because they forgot your tomato.  If you really want to make the day special for dad, just say, “I’ll have the number 4,” and eat it. Tomato or no tomato.

• On the other hand, if you are fortunate enough to dine inside a restaurant, don’t make him tell the waiter or waitress something is wrong with any part of the meal. That plate the waiter brought you was perfect, no need for Dad to be the quality control spokesman today. Sure, they may have given you fries instead of onion rings, but you know what? It turns out you wanted the fries all along.

• Finally, during the meal, keep the conversation shallow, minimal, and borderline stupid. Remark on the weather. Mention a squirrel you just saw out the window. No homework talk. No housework talk. No asking where you’ll be spending Thanksgiving this year. Just eating and a nice superficial conversation.

Take these steps and I promise you he’s going to think, “Best Father’s Day ever.”

Lastly, I understand unemployment is a record levels and money is extremely tight this year. You may be saying, “I literally don’t have $20 for a gift.” I understand. Here’s what you can do. Make a card or simply go up to your dad or husband and deliver this message: “Today, no one will knock on the bathroom door when you’re in there. No one will call you. No one will text you. You go in there, do your business and shower in peace. Consider it your vacation.”

Dad will almost weep from how grateful he’ll be to hear those words. And when he comes out, bowels empty, armpits washed, clean refreshed and feeling great he’s going to say, “Thank you. That was amazing.”

This post was written by Blaise. Follow him: @BlaiseInKC