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Thursday, March 28, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

SEC Network Shows You WON’T See

SEC Network Shows Logo

The SEC Network has launched. That noise you hear is the entire southeast of the country chanting, “S-E-C, N-E-T!” They don’t finish spelling ‘network’ in their chant, because most of them don’t know how.

The channel has multiple programs to cover just about every sport from all 14 SEC schools. However, not all of the originally scheduled shows will make it to air. Luckily, we obtained a list and have the failed ideas here for you.

These are the SEC Network’s Shows You WON’T See:

SEC Network Shows - Almost 60 Minutes

Almost 60 Minutes with Nick Saban

This is the SEC Network’s 59-minute and 59-second evening news program. Could going for it with 1-second left in a tie game against your arch-rival kill you? We’ll tell you tonight at 11.

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SEC Network Shows - Alfred Gamecock

Alfred Gamecock Presents

This show features a collection of horror stories from South Carolina. Basically, every episode is just 30 minutes of Marcus Lattimore’s knee injury on repeat.

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SEC Network Shows - West Win 2

The West Win

This Aaron Sorkin produced drama is all about the politics behind Auburn’s road to their 2013 SEC West and eventual SEC Championship. However, the show was quickly cancelled due to most Alabamans being unable to keep up with the fast-paced Sorkin dialogue.

• • •

SEC Network Shows - Are You Afraid of Starkville

Are You Afraid of the Starkville?

This suspenseful show tells the tales of horrific true stories about college athletes being bored out of their minds in Starkville, Mississippi.

• • •

Drew Carey

The Price Is Right with Cecil Newton

Cam Newton’s father, Cecil, hosts this popular game show, as various SEC head coaches go head-to-head to bid on the best recruits.

• • •

SEC Network Shows - Saving Grace

Saving Grass

This drama follows Les Miles and his pursuit to keep various people from tearing up beautiful and delicious grass fields. It’s as weird as it sounds.

• • •

SEC Network Shows - Tailgate Is Enough

Tailgate Is Enough

This sitcom revolves around a family of Ole Miss fans and how they’re content with having the nation’s best tailgating. The moral being that as long as you have great family, good friends, and a couple of brewskies, you don’t need a good football team to be semi-happy.

• • •

SEC Network Shows - Eastbound and Down

Eastbound and Down

This comedy documents Tennessee’s fall from a perennial SEC East juggernaut to well… Whatever it is Derek Dooley left them as.

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SEC Network Shows - I Love Losing

I Love Losing

This classic sitcom focuses on Wildcat, Kentucky’s mascot, and how everything seems to go wrong for him.

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SEC Network Shows - Downton Flabbey 2

Downton Flabbey

This is a reality show to see what happens when you lock a shirtless Steve Spurrier inside a British castle.

• • •

SEC Network Shows - Man v Wild

Man vs. Wild with Mark Richt and Will Muschamp

This reality show follows Mark Richt as he prepares for battle versus raging psycho Will Muschamp. Just like the real Man vs. Wild, sometimes they’re forced to drink their own urine. Well, they’re not really forced to, Muschamp just does it on his own.

• • •

SEC Network Shows - New Girl

This comedy follows a bubbly, young Mizzou as she moves in to a conference with 13 other men. Who knows? Maybe Mizzou will date Ole Miss before the season finale?

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SEC Network Shows - 5th Grader

Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader? – SEC Fan Edition

In a word, no.

(h/t: @CaptTouchback)

• • •

SEC Network Shows - CSI

CSI: Southeastern Conference

This crime drama was cancelled from the SEC Network, because they don’t want anyone investigating anything in the SEC.

(h/t: @CaptTouchback)

• • •

SEC Network Shows - How I Met My Cousin

How I Met Your Mother Who Is Also My Cousin

We watched the series finale, and trust me, you don’t want to know.

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SEC Network Shows - Big Blue Chips

Big Blue Chips

This an SEC Network made-for-TV movie about Kentucky’s basketball program and how they’ll pull in the nation’s best recruits at any cost. The keyword there being cost.

• • •

SEC Network Shows - Good Wife 2

The Good Wife

This drama follows the life of a bitter wife of a college head coach who has too much time on her hands and way too many Twitter followers.

• • •

SEC Network Shows - Baseketball 2

 Baseketball

This SEC Network made-for-TV is all about Vanderbilt combining the only two sports they’re traditionally good at.

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SEC Network Shows - Walking Dead 2

The Walking Dead

This is the 2013 Arkansas Football Highlights. It consists of three plays.

• • •

Paul Finebaum - May 23, 2013

 PAWWWWL & Order

This show is just like Law & Order, only Paul Finebaum is the cop and all of the crimes are about poisoning trees and stuff.

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SEC Network Shows - Bernie Mac

 

The Bernie Mac Show

This is just reruns of The Bernie Mac Show starring Texas A&M Head Coach Bernie Mac.

SEC Network Shows - Say Yes To Les 2

 

Say Yes To The Les

This is literally just a show of Les Miles trying on wedding dresses.

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Check out our 2014 SEC Preview where we Ask Siri for the answers

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

Austin

Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.

Austin

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