SEC Network Shows You WON’T See
The SEC Network has launched. That noise you hear is the entire southeast of the country chanting, “S-E-C, N-E-T!” They don’t finish spelling ‘network’ in their chant, because most of them don’t know how.
The channel has multiple programs to cover just about every sport from all 14 SEC schools. However, not all of the originally scheduled shows will make it to air. Luckily, we obtained a list and have the failed ideas here for you.
These are the SEC Network’s Shows You WON’T See:
Almost 60 Minutes with Nick Saban
This is the SEC Network’s 59-minute and 59-second evening news program. Could going for it with 1-second left in a tie game against your arch-rival kill you? We’ll tell you tonight at 11.
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Alfred Gamecock Presents
This show features a collection of horror stories from South Carolina. Basically, every episode is just 30 minutes of Marcus Lattimore’s knee injury on repeat.
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The West Win
This Aaron Sorkin produced drama is all about the politics behind Auburn’s road to their 2013 SEC West and eventual SEC Championship. However, the show was quickly cancelled due to most Alabamans being unable to keep up with the fast-paced Sorkin dialogue.
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Are You Afraid of the Starkville?
This suspenseful show tells the tales of horrific true stories about college athletes being bored out of their minds in Starkville, Mississippi.
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The Price Is Right with Cecil Newton
Cam Newton’s father, Cecil, hosts this popular game show, as various SEC head coaches go head-to-head to bid on the best recruits.
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Saving Grass
This drama follows Les Miles and his pursuit to keep various people from tearing up beautiful and delicious grass fields. It’s as weird as it sounds.
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Tailgate Is Enough
This sitcom revolves around a family of Ole Miss fans and how they’re content with having the nation’s best tailgating. The moral being that as long as you have great family, good friends, and a couple of brewskies, you don’t need a good football team to be semi-happy.
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Eastbound and Down
This comedy documents Tennessee’s fall from a perennial SEC East juggernaut to well… Whatever it is Derek Dooley left them as.
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I Love Losing
This classic sitcom focuses on Wildcat, Kentucky’s mascot, and how everything seems to go wrong for him.
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Downton Flabbey
This is a reality show to see what happens when you lock a shirtless Steve Spurrier inside a British castle.
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Man vs. Wild with Mark Richt and Will Muschamp
This reality show follows Mark Richt as he prepares for battle versus raging psycho Will Muschamp. Just like the real Man vs. Wild, sometimes they’re forced to drink their own urine. Well, they’re not really forced to, Muschamp just does it on his own.
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This comedy follows a bubbly, young Mizzou as she moves in to a conference with 13 other men. Who knows? Maybe Mizzou will date Ole Miss before the season finale?
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Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader? – SEC Fan Edition
In a word, no.
(h/t: @CaptTouchback)
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CSI: Southeastern Conference
This crime drama was cancelled from the SEC Network, because they don’t want anyone investigating anything in the SEC.
(h/t: @CaptTouchback)
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How I Met Your Mother Who Is Also My Cousin
We watched the series finale, and trust me, you don’t want to know.
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Big Blue Chips
This an SEC Network made-for-TV movie about Kentucky’s basketball program and how they’ll pull in the nation’s best recruits at any cost. The keyword there being cost.
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The Good Wife
This drama follows the life of a bitter wife of a college head coach who has too much time on her hands and way too many Twitter followers.
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Baseketball
This SEC Network made-for-TV is all about Vanderbilt combining the only two sports they’re traditionally good at.
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The Walking Dead
This is the 2013 Arkansas Football Highlights. It consists of three plays.
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PAWWWWL & Order
This show is just like Law & Order, only Paul Finebaum is the cop and all of the crimes are about poisoning trees and stuff.
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The Bernie Mac Show
This is just reruns of The Bernie Mac Show starring Texas A&M Head Coach Bernie Mac.
Say Yes To The Les
This is literally just a show of Les Miles trying on wedding dresses.
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Check out our 2014 SEC Preview where we Ask Siri for the answers
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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff
Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats
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