Ryan Braun Looking For Someone To Mishandle His Urine For The 2014 Season

Ryan Braun Posting Flyer

MILWAUKEE — MLB’s 2011 National League MVP and notorious Jewish juicer Ryan Braun is looking for a drug tester who can mishandle his urine this season, allowing him to get off of PED allegations on another technicality.

“My guy last year did amazing,” Braun said. “I’m just looking for someone to do that good again this season. Someone who can really mishandle my piss.”

After an extremely hot start to the season with multiple home runs, dozens of online news publications have begun to doubt Braun’s cleanliness. “Lucky for me, [MLB Commissioner] Bud Selig doesn’t know how to get online, so he won’t read about it until the print publications come out next month. So that gives me roughly four weeks to find a really good urine mishandler.” Braun said.

Braun admitted that it shouldn’t be hard to find someone to mishandle his pee-pee. “All I need is someone who is smarter than Selig,” Braun said while posting flyers at a trailer park in the south.

• • •

This post was written by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

And also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter (which he apparently thought was important enough to share here). He also wears pants everyday.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.