Saturday, April 20, 2024

Rejected Kentucky Derby Horses

May 5, 2011 Kyle

With the Kentucky Derby (horse racing’s only race that I can tell you the name of without thinking harder than I prefer) coming up this weekend, all eyes are on the oddsmakers.

Dialed In is the favorite at 4-1, followed by Uncle Mo (5-1) and Nehro (6-1). Calvin Borel, horse-riding super(small)human is aboard Twice the Appeal (30-1). Borel has ridden 3 of the last 4 Derby winners. And while much will be said about the silly hats and famous attendees, as well as the redneck bonanza throwdown in the infield, most will overlook the horses that didn’t make the Derby, but had equally awesome horse names.

Please don't attend the Derby in inappropriate attire.

Redneck Derby.

So let’s take a look at some of the horses that were turned away for lack of ability or name creativity:

I promise I did no photoshopping of this horse.

Futureglue

Studs McGhee

Herbert Hoofer

Hung Like A Me

MeRadish

Man O’ War & Peace

With Your Wife

Assistant to the Secretariat

Keanu Reeves Movie

African American Beauty

Andy

Khloe Kardashian (right)

Me And Buggy

Dummy Jones

Seattle Brew

Cigarettes For Kids

Sarah Jessica Parker

Kyle

Kyle is a comedian writer, actor, and producer. You may have seen his standup on CONAN, or somewhere else if you’re really into standup. He has appeared on Fuse, Comedy Central, VH1, and more, and he has written for CBS, Comedy Central, TBS, contributed to Roasts, as well as Huffington Post, CNN, The New York Times, Wired, and a really cool site called Korked Bats.