Red Sox To Hold Spring Training In Amish Village
LANCASTER, PA — For the first time in franchise history, the Boston Red Sox will hold spring training in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, home to one of the largest Amish communities in America and a gas station with an old man sitting out front probably.
“We just feel at home here in rural Pennsylvania,” Red Sox 2nd baseman Dustin Pedroia said. “The people here really get us. We fit in extremely well with the locals.”
“Plus, we want to prove that Red Sox have a great farm system!” Pedroia added while giggling uncontrollably. “Do you get it? Man, I’ve been using that one all week. [Will] Middlebrooks cracks up every time he hears it.”
“It’s hard work building a championship ball club,” Red Sox Manager John Farrell said, “But we figured we’d be able to build one so much faster here. I mean, the locals here can build barns in like 16 hours. It’s nuts.”
Many believe travel expenses for the Red Sox will be through the roof, as they’ll now have to travel to and from Pennsylvania to play other Grapefruit League teams in Florida, but Red Sox officials have confirmed that the team will actually travel via horse and buggy. “Horse feed is actually a lot cheaper than our team bus’s diesel gasoline,” Red Sox GM Ben Cherington said. “Plus, the Yankees let us borrow their leftover horse feed that Mark Teixeira didn’t eat.”
MLB Commissioner Bud Selig is in favor of the Red Sox move to Amish country. “I’ve been living the Amish life for years,” Selig said. “Clearly, I do just fine without electricity, mirrors, or changing rules to the sports I govern.” MLB officials have hinted at starting a third Spring Training league, to add to the already established Grapefruit (Florida) and Cactus (Arizona) leagues. The name of the league has been narrowed down to either the Handmade Quilt League, the Corn Stock League, or the Andrew Luck League.
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