Tuesday, June 25, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Random Athlete of the Month – June

It’s about that time, kids.

Time to announce Korked Bats’ Random Athlete of the Month for June 2009.

This month’s random athlete of the month is:

Diamond Dallas Page
AKA Page Joseph Falkinburg, Jr.

Wow. Where do we begin? What a legend this guy is. I mean the man’s name is Diamond. And what a gem he was.

The man is famous for a lot of things. His profound wrestling career, his signature move the Diamond Cutter, his brilliant acting career, his amazing hair, his signature hand gesture which has been emulated by both Jay-Z and Tyrod Taylor (and they only do it because DDP did it first), his very notable tag team partners. But most importantly Diamond Dallas Page is most famous for his leather vest.

Let’s be honest, DDP rocked the crap out of that leather vest.

Diamond paved the way for the rebirth of the leather vest. Without him, what would Lamar Odom wear in post game interviews? What outfit would Alice Cooper rock up on stage? How about Arnold in Predator, would he act naked? Or how about that guy from the movie The Warriors? Even Harry Potter has decided to go the with the DDP wardrobe. Rick “Wild Thing” Vaughn was a DDP vest supporter before hitting up Indians Spring Training. Axl Rose even claims that Diamond Dallas Page inspired him to wear leather vests. Historically, Diamond Dallas Page made it OK to wear leather vests… Even if you’re not gay.

Diamond Dallas Page… Some think wrestler extraordinaire, we say fashion pioneer.

However, great fashion sense alone doesn’t get you the honor of being named Korked Bats’ Random Athlete of the Month. To be given a prestigious award such as this, you must be fun. And there is no one more fun than Diamond Dallas Page! How do I know you ask? Because I used to play with him when I was younger.

That’s right. DDP was my Wrestling Buddy. I got it for Christmas one year and never stopped playing with him. Until his voicebox broke. Then he was just another stuffed animal. But he was fun for those 5 days that he made noise.

Furthermore, DD Page has become a media icon. He had a big role in the (almost Academy Award Winning) movie Ready To Rumble, and he has tag teamed with famous stars as Jay Leno and Karl Malone. Heck, I wouldn’t mind tag teaming with DDP. No homo.

On a personal note, Diamond Dallas Page is actually diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder, or ADD. This kind of begs the question:

Why didn’t he give himself the nickname, ADDP?

So on behalf of rednecks and 6th grade boys across the country, thank you Diamond Dallas Page for all you have done for wrestling. And on top of that, thank you for all you have done for society. You are a scholar and a gentleman. Ok… That might be taking it a little far. But you are a wrestler and a movie star.

Congratulations on being Korked Bats’ June 2009 Random Athlete of the Month!

Do you have a random athlete idea that you think should be next month’s Random Athlete of the Month? Leave a comment below and see if your random athlete will be next month’s Korked Bats’ Random Athlete of the Month!


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.


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