Saturday, July 13, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Random Athlete of the Month – June 2011

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Edward Charles “Chuck” Knoblauch

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Born in Houston, TX in 1968, Chuck Knoblauch knew he would have to work extra hard to overcome the obstacle of having a name that in German literally means “Charles Garlic“.

He spent twelve seasons in the MLB where he racked up four all star selections, four World Series rings, a Gold Glove, two Silver Slugger Awards, and an AL Rookie of the Year Title. Not bad for little second baseman who looks like Rob Dyrdek.

As far as stats an accolades go, that’s all I got. After all, Korked Bats Random Athlete of the Month isn’t about cliche career resume regurgitation. Its about all the other stuff I can find on Wikipedia about the given subject.

Stuff like the time he kissed his days with the Twins goodbye by demanding a trade. How can you blame the guy? Who wants to live in Minnesota and play for a team that uses Hefty Bags for it’s outfield wall?

Twins fans didn’t appreciate his demand. So they did what every appreciative, classy fan would do and pelted him with hot dogs, beer bottles, and golf balls in a return trip to the Metrodome in 2001.

With the Yankees, his once impeccable defensive abilities began to squander. Errant throws to first base became so commonplace, Knoblauch was reassigned to left field. There is no confirmation whether or not hitting Keith Olbermann’s mother in the face with a ball had anything to do with this decision.

Wait a second, Chuck Knoblauch hit Keith Olbermann’s mom in the face with a baseball? That’s the most random thing I’ve ever heard. Yes, it happened.

To finish off his career with as little bang as humanly possible, Knoblauch signed with the Kansas City Royals. In K.C., Chuck hit an abysmal .210 and was ultimately let go by the organization. I think he sucked on purpose. Who wants to play for the Royals?

No, that was a dumb comment. I would like to play for the Royals and I bet you would, too.

Enough about this baseball nonsense. Let’s get to the juicy stuff. Like this:

Yep, that’s a Chuck Knoblauch mug shot. He hit and choked his wife in 2009. Not cool.

He was also mentioned in the 2007 Mitchell Report as a user of performance enhancing drugs. Again, not cool. I’m not sure what this picture has to do with him being mentioned in the Mitchell Report, but I just wanted to show you how blue his ex wife’s eyes are.

And so I leave you with this: an awkward Nolan Ryan baseball card I found while searching for images of Chuck Knoblauch.

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