Rams Trade 1st Overall Pick for Cards Season Tickets

With the NFL Draft ever approaching, there has been an increase in speculation surrounding what the 1-16 St. Louis Rams would do with their first overall pick. Up until now, most writers had the Rams using the pick on Oklahoma quarterback Sam Bradford. However, within the past few hours, the St. Louis Rams owner Chip Rosenbloom released this statement:

“In light of our inability to win football games, the other owners [Lucia Rodriguez and Stan Kroenke] have agreed to trade our first round draft pick to the St. Louis Cardinals baseball franchise.

“In exchange, we will receive two (2) season tickets for the remainder of the 2010 Major League Baseball season. The seats will be in the upper deck, and every fifth game we will forfeit our seats to the Cardinals so they can host some local kids Make a Wish.”

Due to economic hardships, and a lack of a football team, the Rams are the first team in what many believe to be a “cave in of completely worthless wastes of taxpayer money and resources.”

Cardinals Manager Tony LaRussa was reached for comment, but released this brief statement:

“Um… we’ll probably use the stadium as a personal arena for Albert [Pujols]. Regular sized fields just don’t seem to be doing it.”

Rosenbloom continued:

“We have also negotiated for a tentative pick in 2011. The pick is between a hot dog or a Budweiser.”

Pending concession picks are popular amongst franchises in this current economy, especially amongst completely fictionalized impossibilities such as this.

Potential first overall pick Sam Bradford, when contacted, spoke briefly,

“The second worst team in the league won twice as many games as they [the Rams] did last year. Of course I’m ok with it.

“Although, it’d be nice to see Pujols play. He’s a beast.”


Kyle is a comedian writer, actor, and producer. You may have seen his standup on CONAN, or somewhere else if you’re really into standup. He has appeared on Fuse, Comedy Central, VH1, and more, and he has written for CBS, Comedy Central, TBS, contributed to Roasts, as well as Huffington Post, CNN, The New York Times, Wired, and a really cool site called Korked Bats.


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