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Friday, March 29, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Pujols Signs with Cardinals for Shaq’s Proposed $300 Million Deal

It’s been a big week for baseball fans in St. Louis. First, the Cardinals nab their second World Championship in 5 years, and now Albert Pujols has decided to renew his contract with the historic ball club.

“It make sense ang, I love dee city,” said the future hall-of-famer.

When asked about how his tweet single-handedly changed the game of baseball forever, Shaq stated that “I don’t even write my own tweets so this is crazy.”

$300 million is a lot of money, and this obscenely high number has raised some eye brows of local residents.

When asked how in god’s name the struggling economy of St. Louis could afford the deal, the Mayor had this to say: “We got dat beer money, son.”

Information from an inside source reported that the contract will be for 100 years or until robots replace humans.

It seems like the Redbirds have all but secured Albert indefinitely, and this has fans in other cities frustrated.

“We just thought that maybe… maybe there was a god. We were wrong,” said every Kansas City Royals fan. Yankees fans were too busy yelling at their own team and cab drivers to notice that the deal had occurred.

The tides have ceased to turn so far this postseason, and Cardinal fans will continue to boast themselves as home of the best player in baseball… and of the most meth labs per-capita, in the U.S.

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