Wednesday, July 17, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Play. Wiffle. Ball.

Summer is here. Well, not officially yet, but school is out, the weather is warm, and teachers all across America are drinking with much less guilt. So many great things come with summertime, the best of those being: Wiffle Ball season.

Wiffle Ball has always been a staple of American summertime culture, and for good reason. It was the first sport ever played on American soil.

Early settlers would first hollow out the skulls of small animals they killed. Then, they would carefully carve out small slits around the top of the skull and, using what they called “bashing rods,” they would throw the skull towards the “basher” and he would do his best to make proper contact and “have a go ’round,” which is the first term ever used for what we today call a “home run.”

Luckily, Wiffle Ball has evolved into a much more humane and less gruesome sport, but the competitive spirit and minor skill set required still remain.

It’s a game that brings friends together and turns them into enemies. It’s a game that gives people that suck at every other sport a chance to somehow accidentally get an amazing hit and be a hero. It’s a sport played best while burgers are on the grill, and home plate is a lawn chair on top of a fully-stocked cooler.

It’s a game you can enjoy with two people or ten people. Home-run derby? Yes, please. And old guys…they have an uncanny ability to pitch that little plastic bastard of a ball in ways that I still can’t comprehend: “Yea honey, I know it’s time to feed the kids, but I’m about to pitch a no-hitter. These chumps can’t handle my slider because it literally has a four-foot break to it.”

Readers of this post, this weekend I encourage you to get a group of friends together, buy some meat and some charcoal, fill up a cooler with your beverage of choice, and have Opening Day at the Wiffle Ball park.

It’s summertime, and before you know it you’ll be back in class or back in jeans and sweatshirts. Take advantage of the next three months, and make this year’s Wiffle Ball season something memorable. Most importantly, make the founders of this great nation proud.

Play Wiffle Ball.

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