Phillies Fans Make Me Wanna Puke!

Question: What do you get when you mix a nice family night, the Phillie Phanatic and a college frat party?

Answer: The Philadelphia Phillies game this past Wednesday night.

On Wednesday night, 21-year-old Matthew Clemmens, of Cherry Hill, New Jersey, blew chunks all over an off-duty police officer and his daughter. You know, your typical night at a Philadelphia ball game.

According to sources, Clemmens and his buddy were spitting, cursing, and drinking brewskies. I mean, what else is there to do at a Phillies game when they are playing the Nationals? Watch them score Costco sized bundles of runs? That gets boring after a while.

So when your baseball team is playing a crappy team, and you lose interest, you must find other methods to keep you entertained.

“One guy started spitting…” Michael Vangelo, the off-duty officer, said to the Philadelphia Daily News.

This is when it starts getting interesting.

“First it landed on the back of my daughter’s chair. Then it landed on her hooded sweatshirt.”

And nobody spits on Mike Vangelo’s daughter’s sweatshirt and gets away with it! So Vangelo reported it to the stadium event staff who, shortly after, removed Clemmens’ friend.

This made Clemmens angry. And you won’t like Clemmens when he’s angry. (Mainly, because he throws up on people.)

Clemmens pulled the ole “Oh I feel sick,” trick. He then stuck two fingers down his throat and began projectile vomiting all over Vangelo and his daughter. Vangelo moved his daughters out of harm’s way right before Clemmens started punching him in the head and neck causing his ear to bleed. Four or five good Samaritans ended up jumping in to stop Clemmens just before he was arrested.

Who knows what got into Clemmens? Maybe he was mad his friend got removed from the game? Maybe he was still upset the Phillies lost in the World Series last season and had to take it out on someone? Maybe he was mad he drew the Nationals game in the office poll for the company season tickets? Maybe he was pissed about the 76ers missing the NBA playoffs? Maybe he was jealous of Vangelo’s daughter’s sweatshirt? Maybe he was upset he can’t grow facial hair? Maybe Clemmens is bulimic and he just ate a hot dog? Or maybe he’s just a typical Phillies fan doing what Phillies fan do. Get drunk and spit on people in the rows in front of you.

I mean this is The City Of Brotherly Love isn’t it? Last time I checked it wasn’t The City Of Guy Sitting In Front Of You At The Phillies Game Love. In fact, I’d be willing to bet that Clemmens and Vangelo aren’t related.

Clemmens ended up being arrested for assault, reckless endangerment, disorderly conduct, and having an ugly haircut in the first degree.

Next time you go to Citizens Bank Ballpark, wear a poncho. Whether rain or shine. Because in Philadelphia, you just never know when you’re going to be thrown up on.