Philip Rivers Got A New Job Before Even Starting His Other New Job

Just when you thought Philip Rivers couldn’t possibly surround himself with more kids…

This is what we call career and financial protection, folks. It also marks the first time Phil has used protection in his life.

This is next level hiring right here. Naming the starting quarterback of an NFL team as your head coach one day? I mean, can you even do that? Can you hire people to take jobs one day, whenever they feel like they’re ready? In that case… Derrick Henry, whenever you want to become editor-in-chief of KorkedBats.com, the job is ready for you.

Apparently the athletic director of the school is going to be filling in as the interim until Phil is ready to start the gig. He laid out his timetable, per AL.com:

“I think it is a one year at a time deal,” he said. “You get to 38 and play as long as I have … I’ve expressed publicly and the Colts have said too they hope it’s more than one year. But we take it one year at a time. I love playing. When that time does end, you will get the same passion and work ethic at this school and community that I’ve poured into my career.”

How you feeling Colts fans? One year your franchise QB is retiring. The next year your franchise QB is accepting head coaching jobs at Alabama high schools. Better go ahead and have Curtis Painter on standby.

If Phil is going to coach high school ball in the south, he has the accent down already, but he’s going to have to up his swearing. Not many high school football coaches use expressions like, “dagnabbit!” or “fiddlesticks!” He’s gonna have to start cussing if he’s gonna want those teens to take him seriously. The next high school football coach who doesn’t include at least three swear words per sentence will be the first.

This will be Phil showing up on the first day of the job trying to relate to kids that he has literally nothing in common with.

I will say this, at least Phil didn’t make this announcement while pooping.