Patriots Plan To Play With Fully Inflated Vortex Football In Super Bowl

Tom Brady - Nerf Vortex
Quarterback Tom Brady warms up with a Vortex football in preparation for Super Bowl XLIX on Sunday.

PHOENIX, AZ — After a week full of accusations of cheating and talk of deflated footballs, the New England Patriots assure the nation that they will not cheat in the Super Bowl, and will make sure all of their Vortex footballs are fully inflated.

‘Wait… did they say Vortex footballs?” Seahawks head coach Pete Carroll asked, upon hearing the news. “Aren’t those the footballs that John Elway set a world record with, throwing the ball over 90 yards? How is that legal?”

The Patriots, an organization hated by everyone, plan to play the entire game with NERF’s Vortex footballs, in hopes no one will check the rule book.

“If a “dog can’t play basketball” isn’t in the basketball rule book, then a team “can’t play with Vortex footballs” definitely isn’t the football rule book,” Bill Belichick mumbled to the media, referencing Air Bud. “If it is against the rules, then we’ll just deny using them.”

The Seahawks organization plans to protest the Patriots’ future use of Vortex footballs. “We fully expect to receive a protest from the Seahawks,” the NFL said in a statement. “And when we do, we’ll do absolutely nothing for three months before sweeping the entire story under the rug, as is customary for any negative PR stories that come out about our league.”

When asked about the team’s footballs, Tom Brady said, “Don’t worry, these footballs will be inspected and inspected again to make sure they have the proper PSI.” Brady later added, “When it comes to footballs, some guys like them thin. Some guys like them tacky. Some guys like them brand new. Some guys like old balls. But me? I like balls with a tail. And a whistle.”

Roger Goodell could not be reached for comment as he is extremely busy doing nothing to prevent the NFL’s domestic violence crimes.

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This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats


Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter (which he apparently thought was important enough to share here). He also wears pants everyday.


One thought on “Patriots Plan To Play With Fully Inflated Vortex Football In Super Bowl

  • Avatar
    January 27, 2015 at 2:47 pm

    Huff strikes again!


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