Nick Saban Asks Lonely Recruit To Sadie Hawkins Dance

IRVING, TEXAS- Known for his determination and relentless pursuit of recruiting high school talent, Nick Saban raised the bar to a new level when he asked a lonely recruit to his school’s Sadie Hawkins Dance.

Wilford Brimley High School junior quarterback Deion Brocks is often referred to by his peers as shy, quiet, and uncomfortably sweaty.

“I knew this dance was coming up and Deion didn’t have a date,” Saban said. “So to show the kid how much I care about him, I asked him to the ole sock hop.”

According to the school’s newspaper gossip columnist Stacey Van Peters, Saban sent Brocks all over town on a scavenger hunt to ask him to the dance. “It was like, really really really really cute and adorable and sweet,” Van Peters wrote in her column, Saban Hawkins Dance. “…and creepy, because it’s like, coming from a wrinkly and balding and tiny old man.” Van Peters later wrote, “And WTF is a sock hop?!”

“It’s really important to show these kids that you are serious about them,” Saban said. “You need to show them that you like like them.”

“I’ve always head about how much Coach Saban was into recruiting, but I didn’t realize he was THIS into it. He went all out. I mean, he wore makeup, a wig, a ball gown, and a stuffed training bra,” Brocks said. “In fact, at one point in the night, I saw him loan one of my classmates a tampon out of his purse.”

This stunt just adds to the long list of Saban’s recruiting experiments. Other instances included Saban helping 16-year old recruits cut the line at the DMV to get their license, texting recruits GTA 5 cheat codes, sneaking recruits into R-rated movies, and once Saban married a recruits mom so he could experience a father figure. Saban later admitted, “That one worked out well because, as his father, I made him go to Alabama.”

“No, I don’t think his techniques are weird,” Alabama Defensive Coordinator Kirby Smart said. “At least not until three weeks after the dance, when he’s still wearing the ball gown and makeup to work.”

No word yet on how the romantic night ended, but sources told Stacey Van Peters’ boyfriend, who then told Stacey, who later told Connor (a guy in Stacey’s 3rd period U.S. Government class), who then told us that even though Saban didn’t smile once the entire evening, it ended well, because there were “a few SnapChats involved.”

“I think we have a good shot at landing Deion,” Saban said confidently, again without smiling. According to MajorRecruitingWebsite.com, the only other offers Deion Brocks has received are from Murray State, Youngstown State, and Texas, to play defensive back.

• • •

This post was created by Austin. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @TheAHuff

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats