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Thursday, March 28, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

NFL Forces Ndamukong Suh To Play For Free

Ndamukong SuhDETROIT- In a statement released by the National Football League today, Commissioner Roger Goodell is forcing Detroit Lions defensive tackle and America’s sweetheart Ndamukong Suh to play the remainder of the 2013 season for free.

Suh, who has been fined a grand total of $3,500,000,000.53 cents since being drafted #2 overall in the 2010 draft, said he has always been a target for officials. “Even in pee wee football I was having my juice boxes taken away for late hits or whatever, it’s nothing new, it’s just who I am. Get used to it!” Suh said.

“We feel this is just going to save everyone a lot of time if we just go ahead and get all his fines out of the way at once for the remainder of the year,” Goodell whispered from his hiding spot under his desk. “Plus it’s going to save us a ton of money because we don’t have to mail out bills to Mr. Suh anymore. Stamps are getting expensive!”

“I know everyone says they would play this game for free, but that’s not true,” Suh said while eating a car outside of the Lions practice facility. “I have stuff I have to pay for like everyone else, stuff like house payments, car insurance, food, raw meat, bear traps, barb wire, handfuls of glass, and Kid Rock CDs. You know, the essentials normal people need from week to week.”

Goodell went on to add that this could actually be beneficial for Suh due to the fact that he will be saving himself quite a lot of money. “Suh makes what? Ten to twelve million a year? With this new plan he’ll save like 50 bucks, and that’s a lot of cash. That’s like seven burritos at Chipotle! And for a guy like Suh, that’s lunch.”

When asked how it would feel not to be burdened with the excessive league mail he is used to, Suh said, “To be honest, I liked getting the mail. It was like having a pen pal that kept asking for 500-grand every time he wrote to you. Sometimes I would write back and send pictures of my puppies, Murder 1 and Murder 2. But they never sent me pictures of their dogs, that made me sad, real sad.”

Commissioner Goodell was later asked what would happen if Ndamukong Suh was flagged for more illegal hits than were covered by his salary. Goodell replied, “Look, it was scary enough dealing with him the first time, he is a mean mean man!” Goodell wiped the tears from his eyes and quickly jumped back underneath his desk after seeing what appeared to be Suh behind a big scary tree, which turned out to be just another really big scary tree.

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This post was created by Joe. You can follow him and his jokes on Twitter: @JoeShowShow

Also, for up-to-the-minute sports jokes, follow Korked Bats on Twitter: @KorkedBats

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