NFL Figured Out How To Prevent Spreading COVID: Ban Postgame Jersey Swaps

July 9, 2020July 9, 2020 Austin

Say what you will about the NFL, but they’ve done it. They’ve cured COVID-19. Or at very least the cure for spreading it further. To help limit the spread of this virus, the NFL has taken monumental steps to…

…ban jersey swaps?

SOURCE – The NFL has banned jersey exchanges in 2020 as the league attempts to play through the coronavirus pandemic, according to a set of protocols distributed to teams Wednesday and obtained Thursday by ESPN.

That oughta do it.

I guess?

I mean, nevermind the fact that players will be playing full-contact tackle football, trading sweat, blood, and spit for two-and-a-half hours prior to that. This jersey swap should be the thing to keep the players safe.

Again, just to reiterate: the football part of football hasn’t been banned, but the postgame outfit exchange has. I mean, are those players TRYING TO CATCH COVID?!

A few other COVID-KILLING techniques the league is implementing:

Players and coaches are “strongly encouraged” but not required to wear masks on the sidelines
- pretty sure coaches have been masking their mouths with their play-sheets for years before any global pandemic
Players and coaches must submit to multiple temperature checks before games and cannot participate if they have a fever of more than 100.4 degrees.
Every effort must be made to space lockers 6 feet apart in both the home and visitors locker room. Plexiglass partitions are also an option.
Players are required to spend the night before games at the team hotel, even if they are playing in their home stadium.

And here’s my favorite one:

Arrangements must be made to ensure that there are no shared water cups or bottles on the sideline.

Which means no more of these:

But at least it means maybe now the NFL will be able to utilize communion trays from church to pass out water:

But again, I should reiterate: they will still be playing full-contact tackle football.

Look, hopefully no one from the NFL reads this and/or Richard Sherman’s tweets, because I’m not trying to get football canceled. All I’m saying is that the NFL banning jersey swaps is like Jurassic Park banning smoking. That’s not exactly the biggest threat here.

However, while I got you here, let me rant on jersey swapping for a sec. When did this become a thing? When did NFL players turn into NFL fan boys? I mean watching these athletes meet at midfield for a photo op and to exchange wardrobes kinda kills the intensity of the sport. It eliminates any gladiator persona these guys had. Imagine Maximus swapping chest plates with some dead dude after a match. It’s just kinda lame.

As a fan, the last thing I want to see is my team’s best player host a uniform swap-meet at midfield after a 28-point loss. Why are you trading clothes anyway? You’re NFL athletes not high school sisters. What’s next? Are NBA players gonna start paying for Cameos from other NBA players? Will NHL players start asking for sticks from their favorite players after games? At what point do MLB players start chasing down foul balls for a souvenir?

Ok, I’m not a total stick in the mud. Athletes have respect for their peers. And this is a sign of that. But if you absolutely HAVE to have their sweaty shirt after a game, do it in the bowels of the stadium after the game, away from both the cameras and the stank of a loss.

But if this is a casualty of this global pandemic, then maybe this whole thing was worth it?

The biggest casualty from this announcement? Odell Beckham Jr.

Our thoughts and condolences go out to the jersey swapping king. The man who sits atop a throne of exchanged jerseys from opponents. He’s gotta be having a rough day today. This is probably the worst news he’s been hit with since he was told he had to practice the week of the playoffs, forcing him to prematurely cancel his boy band boat party.