Myles Garrett With A Basketball In His Hand Is Like A Damn Monstar
There’s not a door frame on Earth Myles Garrett can walk through without turning sideways.
Look at the colossus of a man. Like, sure, we knew he was massive. But 90% of America only ever sees him in shoulder pads, so it’s hard to tell just how big of a frame he has. And now as he holds a Spaulding, it kinda gives some perspective – and goodnight, the man is a Monstar. Pretty sure the purple one to be exact.
Wait, let me check one more thing.
Ok, yeah. Definitely the purple one.
If you took a charge from Myles Garrett, it would be the last thing you did in life. The man is a cement truck. Even his muscles have muscles. And don’t even get me started on the Jurassic Park tie-dye tank. Hashtag flame emojis.
Tagging Mark Cuban in the tweet makes me laugh. Because if any NBA owner would take a random chance like that, it’s the CEO of CyberDust. It’s like that tweet was its own episode of Shark Tank.
*Shark Tank theme fires up*
*double doors open*
*Myles Garrett walks in sideways*
Myles Garrett: Hello, sharks. Today I’m offering a 50% ownership stake in me to play basketball.
*end of pitch*
Also, we have a running joke here at Korked Bats that Tom Brady edits his own social media videos. Every Sunday after the game, he’ll pop open Adobe Premier on his laptop and start cutting up the highlights on his own. I like to imagine the same thing here. Myles just shot and edited this whole video by himself. But since Myles Garrett is swole to the point where he probably can’t wipe his own mouth, he probably bricked many of the shots he put up. Which meant they probably filmed for 13 hours just to get enough makes for this 59-second highlight package. I assume it was like a damn Dude Perfect shoot. Except Myles wasn’t shooting baskets off the top of football stadiums or skyscrapers. Just mid-range jumpers.
Anyway, we get it, Myles. You’re freaky athletic with the build of a northern Icelandic lumberjack. Thanks for reminding us. Especially at a time where most of us have already fallen off of our new year’s resolutions and are somehow still blaming the pandemic for us being fatter than we were last year. No, you shut up!
