My Football Player of the Week

This is my football player of the week.

Does this picture look familiar to you?

It didn’t for me, until today.

Today I was forced to watch ESPN instead of my usual early morning music videos on VH1.

Well, it seems to have been for the best, because I was introduced to this fine young man.

This gentleman is Aaron Rogers.

He is under thirty-years-old and over six feet tall.

Don’t worry, he won’t mind if you wear your favorite high heels.

You can be taller for a night on the town if he can wear his super bowl ring.

That seems like a fair trade.

Now, most of the time this quarterback is looking like a handsome option.

Other times he grows his hair out and this happens:

He kind of looks like a homeless person with a well trimmed beard.

And a soul patch.

(And no, he’s not a church youth minister.)

So, this guy seems like a dream boat, until he “forgets to shave” a few days in a row.

Then you are looking at a soul patch everyday.

Is that something you should let slide?

As a lady?

Who rocks soul patches anymore?

Oh, I am so glad you asked.

Miley Cyrus’ dad.

Good Ole Billy Ray.

Billy Ray, I will tell your heart, your achy-breaky heart, that your soul patch is concerning.

Just like your affection for your teen sensation daughter.

Also, Aaron Rogers, please don’t mirror your life or facial hair after this:


I am not going to lie to you America and surrounding countries.

I, at one time, had a super crush on Howie Mandell.


But please note, that was PRE-SOUL PATCH.


That is important.

If Aaron Rogers is watching Howie’s career for direction, he will be very successful for one or two seasons and then get too scared of germs.

And there are exceptions to every rule.

(this rule being, don’t trust a man with a soul patch)

Zac Effron.

Exception to the rule.

Aaron Rogers, Zac is the exception.

Not the rule.

If Zac Effron jumps off a bridge, are you going to jump off a bridge?

Mr. Rogers, Do you think it would be weird for us to go out to dinner since we have the same name?

Do you think it would be weird for us to go out to dinner after I made so much fun of your soul patch?

Aaron Rogers is like the real life Rudy. Or that underdog team in Moneyball.

He was an underdog who has taken Wisconsin by storm.

Only, unlike that underdog team from Moneyball, he did it with a lot of money.

Which might or might not be the reason why I chose him as my football player of the week?

It almost makes me want to put on my long johns and my thirteen jackets and one of those really awesome cheese heads and get to the very next Green Bay game.

Thanks for being my football player of the week, Mr. Aaron Rogers.

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