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Thursday, March 28, 2024

Korked Bats

That Funny Sports Blog

Move Over Iron Bowl, The Biggest Rivalry In The South Is Now The Alabama-Mississippi Fecal Coliform Bacteria Beach Rivalry

You could be under a highway overpass during a solar eclipse, and still not see as much shade as we got in this AL.com tweet going scored earth on the Gulf Coast beaches of Mississippi.

Oh, so Lane Kiffin takes shots at Nick Saban on the reg? So what? The Magnolia State’s beaches have way more fecal coliform bacteria. So there! Hashtag sick burn.

Honestly, I don’t even know what this means? Fecal coliform bacteria? What is that? Poop? Mississippi’s beaches have more poop than Alabama’s? Ok. I think we all could’ve assumed this. Where’s the news? If you go to the Gulf, you have to expect a little bit of poop in your sand. This isn’t a knock on the beaches down there. They’re great. It’s just they’re great in a “probably have poop in their sand” kinda way.

Also, we should consider the source of this news. In a day and age where Fox News will report things like “Republicans Are Scientifically More Attractive Than Democrats” and MSNBC will deliver headlines like “Studies Show Democrats Are More Successful Humans Than People Who Vote Republican,” naturally we’re going to get a pro-Alabama headline from a website with the domain AL.com. I’d be willing to be if these fecal coliform bacteria tests came back flipped the other way, I doubt this would make even make the AL.com website, which only plays into the depth of rivalries in the south. It just means more, right? Yeah. And in Mississippi, it just means more fecal coliform bacteria.

Mississippi, I don’t know what you’ll be able to pull out, but you need to come back strong against Alabama. Don’t take this lying down. Your state school’s baseball team just won a College World Series title. You guys got a new flag this year. You’ve got chubby Lane Kiffin!

Use it to your advantage and clap back at Alabama who has the nerve to call your beaches poopy. Hell, cross the state line and poop on their beaches! That should even the playing field. And frankly, as an innocent bystander, I can’t wait to see how this plays out.

Austin

Austin hosts a country music morning radio show in Chicago after nearly a decade in sports talk radio (The Jim Rome Show, Steve Gorman SPORTS!) Colin Cowherd and Smash Mouth follow him on Twitter and he wears pants every day.

Austin

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